


Of Kings and Queens

by The_Hero_Drinks_Tea



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:17:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8138767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hero_Drinks_Tea/pseuds/The_Hero_Drinks_Tea
Summary: Arthur Kirkland, Queen of the Screens, was a well known actor. He did many genres, Mystery, Romance,  and was especially famed in fantasy movies. On the other hand Alfred F. Jones thrived in action packed block busters and thrillers, even a couple of horror movies. He really was the King of scenes.  Both astound actors have been assigned to work on the same set, same show, and even worse, will play the same couple.  The two hate each other and will now have to pretend to be in love or lose their fame and fortune among fans. It wont be too hard for a King and Queen right?





	1. Chapter 1

Introduction

Arthur sat on the pristine white sofa of his living room staring at the television blankly. Arthur lived in a glorious house perching at the top of Los Angeles, the best the money of a top rate actor could buy. He was watching the morning news when he heard footsteps behind him. Leon sat down on the sofa as Arthur's eyes studied the screen. What was news anyway these days? Instead of actual news, all that was showing was some TV reporter covering stories on celebrities.

"Arthur?"

"What is it Leon?" Arthur huffed, getting out a cigar from the case on the table.

"Would you mind if I stayed the night over at Emil's?"

Arthur softened at that. "Go ahead Leon."

"Yes! See you later-"

"Wait!" Arthur barked. "Do you have enough underwear?"

"Yes, Arthur."

"Sunscreen?"

"We aren't going to be outside, and when do I ever even go outside?"

"I don't care, do you have your first aid kit?"

"Yes!! Arthur I'll be fine. Look I'll see you later old man."

Arthur huffed. "I'm not old, twat. Just... be careful."

"I will." Leon nodded and headed out the door, happily bouncing down the steps to the driveway. As he got into one of Arthur's red mustangs, Arthur felt a pang in his heart. His little Leon was growing up so fast....

Arthur lit the cigar in his hand and returned his attention to the TV. The reporter was sitting in some sort of conference room next to Alfred F. Jones himself. Arthur snorted as he watched the interview go on.

_"So Mr. Jones, how did you get your start in the acting career?"_

Alfred ran a finger through his hair and gave a devilish grin. "Well it all started when I would sing at county fairs as a boy. Soon enough people saw my raw talent and put me on a kids show, and later on as I begun acting more and more, my resume began to build until I landed my first big name movie, even if I wasn't the lead."

"Interesting so..."

Arthur angrily blew a puff of smoke out. What a lying ass! How dare he! Truth be told, _he_ was his beginning, and traitor would be nothing without Arthur. Nothing, not even a swabbling piece of-

_"Now I've heard some rumors lately, so you're been contracted for a in new show, huh?"_

"Yes, that's correct. Second lead role." Alfred sighed.

"Second lead? I thought you haven't had a second lead role since your teens."

"Well that is true, but it's not really a second spotlight, just a shared one."

"Alfred F. Jones sharing the lead? Well this is new so tell me---"

Arthur stopped paying attention to the reporter as soon as Alfred said the word "Shared."

As far as Arthur knew. The great Alfred F. Jones didn't share, and Arthur knew that better than anyone else.

~~

Arthur sat on his bed drinking Ribena when his phone buzzed next to him. With a sigh he set down the bottle on his nightstand and grabbed the loud and obnoxious device.

"Hello, Arthur Kirkland speaking, how may I help you."

"Arthur! Francis speaking! Guess what I got you!"

"Why did I hire you as my manager again?"

"Because I get you deals like this. Lead role, 3 season Tv show, a romantic fantasy adventure. Right up your alley. Starting out 15 million for the pilot, if it goes over well then a 14 percent cut."

"Fifteen million?"

"Oui."

Arthur sighed. He hadn't got a deal in quite a while. Arthur was what some would call an old faded glory. He used to make many romance and fantasy movies. But they were only the tip of the iceberg for Arthur's acting career. He started out with a shared 'Kids with Talent' show, but that's another story for later. Later after that show bombed due to tensions and drama, Arthur was given the spotlight in a detective movie out of pity. Ha. The movie topped charts, and soon Arthur was on the top. Until Alfred came out with his Indiana Jones remake. So Arthur countered with a 50 Shades of Grey like movie, which really boosted his career. He instantly became a hit with the ladies of America, his accent working for him. He was back on top. Until, again, Alfred bested him with his charming smile and bright eyes. This was his chance to finally show the damned American that Arthur was still the hottest actor Hollywood has.

"I'll take it, Romance is my forte! Fantasy is my backbone! The money will practically flock to me."

Francis smiled. "I knew you'd like it mon ami."

***************************************************** (Pov Switch)

 

Alfred smiled as best as he could while talking to the reporter. He really wanted to snap his neck and shove the reporters eyeballs in a blender, but he didn't. It's not like anyone could tell though, Alfred was an actor. He smirked at that, trying not to look bored.

"Is it true you were arrested recently for owning illegal fireworks, drugs and alcohol?"

Alfred froze. Dammit! Why did these people have to snoop into his business?

"It was a killer fourth of July party bro! We set a tree on fire, but that wasn't our fault, the firework exploded."

The reporter, having forgotten about the arrest, lit up like Alfred's tree.

"Who was at your party?"

"Well my brother was there."

"You have a brother?"

"Yes. Yes I do." Alfred sighed internally. These people would know exactly what time Alfred takes a shit, but not that his brother had to go fetch toilet paper for him. "He was the only one there, quality family time you know?"

The man nodded. "That's very sweet to spend your birthday with just your brother."

Ha. Sweet. The truth is Alfred didn't have any friends, and the 'friends' he did have were 'too busy to come to your party, but we love you!'

That's okay though, Alfred had his fans, his true family. That was until they saw something in the newspapers or on twitter that they didn't like.

"My brother is the only family I have."

The man nodded and continued to grill Alfred about his private life. Every time, he either deflected the question or brought up a silly little story.

Finally the man stopped talking and got up. Alfred shook his hand and grabbed his bag.

Alfred went home and cringed the minute he heard Gilbert, one of Alfred's friends, who was currently cooking with his brother, and yelling obnoxiously. He smiled, hearing his brother laugh, and went upstairs feeling bittersweet. Alfred led a lonely life. Being Number 1 always meant being alone. People were only around for the hotel suits and killer parties. Alfred sat on his bed, reached for his phone and paused. _Was that really a good idea Alfred?_

As a younger teen he adored his phone, but as he and his popularity grew it slowly became poisonous. All he needed was one more comment on how fat he was, or how childishly obnoxious he was to make him want to stop eating and stop laughing. Alfred found it harder everyday to actually enjoy a hamburger. These days he only ate them to keep up his image. He didn't need a social explosion of people thinking he was suicidal. To Alfred, all hamburgers were now was puke to be, there taste gone.

Alfred doesn't even wanna think about how the media sees his intelligence.

There are somethings that should never be said, and things that people should never think of themselves. But yet they do. Because everyone has something they don't like about themselves. Alfred knew this was true, and instead of focusing on that little stomach flab, he focused on more positive things, like how big his guns are, and toned his abs were.

But the world saw that as arrogance.

And Arrogance was seen as something bad. It was associated with assholes.

It was hopeless, it all was hopeless. You couldn't think positive things about yourself or you were the asshole, you couldn't think negative about yourself, then you were the 'emo.' Ugh. But yet you couldn't not care at all for who you were, that made you depressed or you were just young and stupid. So then really the only thing you can do is whatever makes you happy.

But then the question poses, what made Alfred happy?

Well video games made Alfred happy, Pizza, ice cream, his brother, and acting. But, did he really enjoy all those things, or was he fooling himself? Acting was fun, but he wouldn't say it made him 'happy.' If you were good at it and it provided you and your family a home it was good enough right? Maybe? Alfred missed the days where he could be in a field of grass by himself with his pet rabbit and just sing the day away, searching for flowers for a forgotten friend. 

There was another point in time Alfred could say he was happy, a person he was with, a family he had had. But he ruined that for his own good. And he never will regret that rainy day when he left 'happy' goodbye and settled for a future full of promises. He would never have to face those actions, that person face to face again. It was all behind him.

Little did he know fate was not kind, to anyone.


	2. To Bind Our Thrones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you guys so much for commenting on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot to me and it really does help motivate me to write more. Anyway without further-a-do~ Here it is! I hope I didn't disappoint you too much!

Chapter 1 The Contract that Binds Our Thrones

12:00 am Sunday Night 

Arthur danced among his fellow celebrities at Club Elysium, the music blasting and lights strobing all around him. Champagne in hand, he was an unmovable empire of power, might, and honestly who are we kidding, Arthur was wasted as fuck. Panic! At the Disco was blaring at full volume as Arthur rocked to the beat in black skinny jeans and a white T shirt. The choker on his neck added a nice flare to his look as the rave went on, glow sticks bursting above his head and color packets exploding everywhere. What a hell of a cleanup job. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
8 am Monday Morning

“I heard, that you're settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now--” Arthur groaned loudly as his phone rang...somewhere around here. Arthur sat up with a whine and searched for his phone, wishing it would be quiet. After he couldn’t find it in arms reach, he decided to fling the blankets off until he heard a satisfying thump as Adele’s Someone like you rang from his phone.  
“Nevermind I’ll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best--”  
Arthur wanted to cry as the music was too loud and ironic considering he spent the night drinking and trying to forget who this very song reminded him of. Ugh. Arthur crawled to the mess of blankets on the floor and searched for the device.

Francis yelled at him over the phone telling him he had to be at Legacy Studios in a half hour. Shit! Arthur wanted to cry for the second time that morning and he was awake for less than three minutes. He got up and hid under the blankets, why wouldn’t the lights just shut up? Arthur nimbley got up and stared into his closet, wondering what to wear. Deciding that he needed to look presentable yet casual, he threw on a green sweater vest and black slacks. 

Arthur got into his, simple, yet classy black car and drove himself to the studio, not wanting to waste time with a limo and be late. This was fun! Arthur really hadn’t had anything to do in a long time, besides party and look after his brothers. Even if he was hungover, Arthur was going to be the best lead role Legacy studios could ever dream of. That is until he saw a white mercedes benz in the parking lot. No, it was probably just a coincidence he thought, there was no way he would ever be here. Arthur snubbed the thought and marched into the studio proudly, swagger in each step despite his massive headache. At least he still had that pair of aviator glasses, no matter their origin. They were pretty cheap, twenty dollars at walmart, but they got the job done.

“Earl grey tea stat!” Arthur barked orders. “I’m in a horrendous mood, but today will be all work! We have a pilot to make!”  
No one seemed to mind the brit as the bustled about and that’s when Arthur realized they were all buzzing around somebody else. Must be my new co-worker. Finally somebody got Arthur his tea as he approached the blob of people. Might as well make friends with the person he was going to be kissing. The contract Francis made him sign last night guaranteed at least a month of having to be working in this studio.  
The crowd of people seemed to evaporate with each step Arthur took towards his partner. It looked like what appeared to be a man, but he was turned around so Arthur couldn’t really tell who he was. But a male lover? That was new, Arthur was sure his fans would love it and welcome the new change of pace.  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Arthur Kirkland and you are--”

The man whirled around, his blue eyes wide in shock.  
“YOU!!” We shouted in unison as Arthur dropped his teacup.  
“What the hell are you doing on my set!”  
“What are you doing on my set!” He growled.  
“Your set?! What are you going on about! I’m the lead, you backstabbing beslubbering lout!”  
“Oh, here we go with the fancy words! God Artie, how could you be the lead role when I’m…the...lead role, oh God.”

Realization set in as the boys stared wide eyed at each other.

“No, no, no, I refuse to work with this fucker! No, he’d probably quit mid-season and leave us all in a money and press pit!”  
“Oh shut up, stopping being so ass hurt about that, I did what I had too!”  
“Right because all you are is a selfish American prick who only does anything for the fame and fortune!”  
“Oh, like you're any better. I refuse to work with you.”  
“Please.” Arthur huffed. “You don’t work with anyone.’’ And with that he slammed the door to his dressing room, Alfred doing the same, although it was quite unfortunate that they had dressing rooms across from each other.  
Arthur sat on the small couch in his room and let out a strangled groan. Why did he have to be here? Him and his entitled ass that thought everything belonged to him. The upstart even thought he was better than Arthur! As if. The only thing Alfred was better at than Arthur was fucking ass and eating unhealthy things.  
Michelle knocked on Arthur’s door and entered swiftly. She said she saw what happened and wanted to help. Help? How could she possibly know what Arthur was going through? It had been years since Alfred had worked with him. 

Years since Alfred had left him.

Only a few people knew the more intimate details of the past. It all started with a young boy singing at a state fair. The America had a voice like honey, a lot better than that upstart Sartorius. He was so goofy back then. With glasses to big and arms so long. HE had grabbed Arthur’s attention like that of a moth to a flame. They began an act together, the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat. Arthur’s family were producers for a kids program, and pulled strings for Alfred to get a role alongside Arthur, playing as two young naive princes in a fantasy realm.  
But behind the camera, behind all the lights and behind closed doors, Alfred shone brighter than he did in the public eye. And he shone bright for Arthur only. And then he left, leaving Arthur alone again without his star to guide him…

***********************************************

Alfred was furious. Kiku, his manager, had tricked him into this role, promising large sums of money and a garnetted larger fanbase. He knew Arthur would be working here and he was willing to bet that Kiku had got this role for him on purpose...Alfred should have known. He told Kiku everything, everything. Alfred knew he would be in series reboot… but it was now that he realized just what series was rebooting. It had to be. There were too many coincidences. Playing a character named Allen, being in a pre-established relationship… A fantasy romance.

It was a reboot of the show Alfred had fallen in love with, with the person he promised himself he would forget. Alfred had broken many hearts to get where he was now. He vowed to himself that he would never again play in fantasy. He would just forget and move on. But here he was, and he could no longer ignore what he did. He could no longer lock away his feelings and never acknowledge them. He could no longer avoid those poisonous green eyes that sucked him into a never ending abyss and ate him whole. Green eyes that he had left behind him long ago were now staring at him straight in the face.

But what Alfred was really afraid of all this time, was seeing those venomous eyes again and falling in love all over again. 

“Mr. Jones? Are you in there? Shooting starts in five minutes!”

“Yes! I’ll be right there Michelle!”

But the show must go on, and no amount of feelings would ever stop Alfred from doing what he did best; Playing the hero.


	3. Chapter 3 Aviator Glasses

Chapter 3

 

Allen sat down on a large bolder and polished his sword. The young warrior hummed quietly to himself as children rushed past him, playing knights as the wooden swords clashed. 

“Allen~ Where are-Oh there you are!” Oliver sat on his lap and laughed placing a kiss on his cheek--

“CUT!” The director, Elizabeta, barked from her chair. “Jones! Stop looking so disgusted as if you just had a vietnam flashback! It’s just a kiss. Are you a professional or not?”

“I am a professional ma’am.” Alfred rolled his eyes.  
“Well act like one then.” Arthur scowled. “It’s not like I have cooties. What, are you afraid to kiss me? To scared?”  
“No! You’re just too--”

“BOYS! Ugh, just--Take two. And Action!”

Arthur, or Oliver his character, waved a wand and smiled sitting on Alfred’s lap. “There you are love! I was beginning to worry. Clubs has been acting up lately, there was a scuffle at the borders.”

“Was anyone hurt?” Allen asked, looking at his queen’s face.  
“No, thankfully. Reports say it was a bar fight, nothing more to it. What really bothered me is that Clubs tried to cover up…”

As Arthur talked, Alfred couldn’t help but get lost in his emerald eyes. Wow, Arthur sure had grown a lot in the past years. His hair had grown shagger, his face lost the skeleton look and was more chiseled, his bony stature now curvy and rounded around his waist--

“Jones! Ugh CUT! Did you forget your lines again?” Arthur glared at Alfred, the American meeting his smoldering eyes.

“Sorry I was just- Thinking about what was for lunch. You know, Iggy, my stomach's an endless pit, and growing boys gotta eat. You remember what growth spurts were like, right old man?”

“Shut up you arrogant asshole before strangle that smug look of your face! You have no right calling me--”

Elizabeta let out a strangled sigh and rubbed her forehead. “Take ten!”

Alfred huffed and got up, Arthur still in his lap, and nearly shoved him off. Arthur yelped and stumbled to stay balanced.  
_“You insufferable git!_ That was intolerably rude of you, could you not wait ten seconds for me to leave your lap myself or are you too daft to think I would want to stay?”

Alfred looked at Arthur for about ten seconds himself before laughing. “Lol, what dude?”

Arthur fumed and rolled his eyes, swishing his blue spadian cloak around his shoulders so that it fluttered brilliantly and dramatically around him as he stormed of back to his dressing room, or as Arthur liked to say ‘Chambers’.

Alfred smirked and looked at his awaiting crew. Asking for a cup of coffee, he sat down on one of the assigned chairs and swung his feat. He knew he had hurt Arthur’s feelings, but it was a natural response to Arthur’s bickering. Alfred wanted to feel bad, he really did, but he knew if he apologized he would seem week to his co-workers and it would definitely tarnish his Hero persona to admit he had acted so rudely. Heroes didn’t antagonize damsels in distress. But...maybe Alfred would check on him later.

Wondering the set, Alfred looked at one of the cameras that weren’t in use. It was such a pretty thing. To be honest, Alfred love photography. It was a guilty pleasure of his, but it sure did help with taking good selfies. Grabbing his coffee, Alfred went to the back of the set, following the signs until he reached a small subtle metal staircase that led to the roof of the studio. Alfred nimbly climbed the stairs, anticipating the fresh air more and more with each step. Opening the door silently, Alfred slipped out and froze in his tracks at a muffled sob. 

Alfred scanned the area, looking for the weeping soul, when his eyes settled on a small figure curled against the shadow of the wall on the edge. As Alfred edged closer he realized just who was crying and bit his lip to silence himself. Arthur was hunched over his phone, letting out shaky breaths. Alfred would have asked what was wrong but instead decided to remain in the shadows. He was about to leave Arthur to his privacy when he heard the other sniffle.

“They grow up so fast…” Came a whisper from the boy who thought he was alone.  
Alfred decided it was time to take his leave but the door had decided to lock behind him. Alfred panicked and tried to budge open the door upon realizing it was certainly locked. The blond boy struggled for minutes as he attempted to pry the door open with now luck.

“Shit!” He muttered under his breath. Trying again, Alfred tugged at the door, using every ounce of his strength. But still no amount of struggle availed Alfred. “Damnit! Open you fucking door!”

Arthur jumped at the sudden sound, hiding his phone in his pocket and looking around for the intruder. Alfred wasn’t gonna lie, he almost pissed himself when Arthur’s eyes had caught him red-handed.  
“What are you doing here? Ugh did you follow me up here?”  
“No no no- I just wanted fresh air and-um- why are you crying? Are you okay dude? This isn’t about the fight we had is it--’  
“NO! Hevans no! God why do always assume everything is about you. It doesn't matter anyway, I don’t see why you’d care.” Alfred softened at those words and sighed inwardly. He faced away from the door and sat criss cross legged next to Arthur, careful to keep his distance.”

“Arthur...I do care.”  
“...”  
“You can tell me what’s wrong. We have to work together, so we might as well be friends, if not at least civil to each other. You can trust me.”  
“Can I?” Arthur sneered and looked away. “It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s stupid. Let’s just go back to work.”

Alfred sighed. “I’m afraid we’re locked out here.”  
_“What?!”_

“Anyway, what’s wrong? We have time.” Alfred pried again. Maybe he had made some mistakes in the past, but Alfred hated to see him cry. It was almost that simple, he just couldn’t see a sad face, no matter who it was. 

Arthur pulled his phone back out and flipped through his texts until he reached what he was looking for. “Read.” Was all he had said as he leaned against the concrete backing that lined the building.

__

__

Leon: Sup bruh. Anyway I kinda wanna ask out Emil, you know like in a gay way, but I don’t know what to wear or where to go or how to ask and I really need your help man.

__  
_Leon: I mean I swear I’d marry this dude, but know, I kinda gotta ask him out first._  
_Leon: Unless he says no._  
_Leon:That would tear a hole in my plans._  
_Leon: And it would suck._  
_Leon:Text me back when you get this I’m dyiiiiing._

Alfred looked up at Arthur. “Little dudes got game.”  
“Is that all you have to say? My baby is growing up so fast, he’s going to get a boyfriend, married have kids and get a job and _leave me_ ,and all you have to say is “Little dudes got game?” He’s growing up so fast and he’s going to leave me just like Jett did, just like y--”

“Arthur.” Alfred held a hand to his mouth. “Breath. It sounds like you have abandonment issues dude.”  
“I wonder why.” He scoffed and grabbed his glasses from earlier, applying them to his face and looking away as if he was hiding his emotions. As Alfred looked at the sunglasses, they seemed to be oddly familiar. The gold rimmed frames, the dark black tint, and the little scratch right where they should be on the left ear…  
“Arite? Are those the glasses I bought you in DC?”

Arthur froze and jolted like a pikachu, ripping the sunglasses off as if they were infected.  
“No-No why would you think that idiot? These are just some pair I got at...Walmart*.  
“Arthur,” Alfred narrowed his eyes. “I bought them for you at Walmart.”  
Arthur sighed in defeat and looked away.

“Why do you even still have those, they’re ancient, it's been years, and they’re worth like fifteen dollars. You didn’t keep them because I bought them did you…?”

“Because they look nice on me, okay? Walmart doesn’t make these kind anymore and I could pay hundreds of dollars for a new pair but they would break in a few days. Not everything is about you.”

Silence.  
“They still look good on you though.” Alfred mumbled.  
“Thanks.”  
“Hey, so do they still call you Kinky Kirky or was that just a tabloid heading?”  
“Alfred!”  
“I kinda always wanted to ask you that but I deleted your number.”  
“You know you sure are making feel a whole lot better.”  
“I’m the hero aren't I?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “That old gimmick eh? Well, you like it it too, with the whole prince getup.”  
“Well I am the king of spades.”  
“Mhm, whatever.”

One of the maintenance people opened the door and muttered something. Alfred was almost disappointed when they were rescued. He would have liked a few more moments to spend with Arthur, and maybe mend their bridge a little. But by the look on Arthur’s face the moment was gone.

“So we good now? Friends?”  
“No. Never, go back to posing for the pretty cameras.”

Alfred tried his best to hide his disappointed frown, but for once in his lifetime it was surprisingly hard. He didn’t even wanna know why he wanted to befriend the brit again. Maybe it just all meant nothing, the riches, the fame, if he had no one to share it with. Meh, that was pretty wimpy, man. Alfred was just fine the way he was, the way he should be. That’s what he told himself each and everyday. But maybe, just maybe he wanted a friend.


	4. Green isn't a Flattering Color For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'll be updating every Friday from now on. Thank you for following me thus far! But during the week of Halloween I do plan on posting a new story that updates everyday so make sure to watch for that!

Arthur sat in the breakfast nook sipping his tea as Leon tried on the fourth outfit in a row.  
“Is this good enough, teach?”  
Arthur rolled his eyes at the nickname. “I’m not sure that green is a flattering color for you. You want to show him that you can take care of him, that you’re classy, gentlemanly and most importantly, that you care enough to dress up for him. Now, go try on that red tuxedo I bought you.”  
Leon gave a weak smile and stumbled into the next room and looked through his closet.  
Arthur took another sip of his tea, tasting the honey that was glazing the inside.  
He had adopted Leon from a man named Yao years ago. Yao was alone and was Arthur’s drug dealer. Despite their illegal activities they were pretty good friends, and many people wanted Yao’s head. Arthur gave him a job as his personal assistant, but Yao had declined. Yao wanted his son to be in good hands, with a good life free of trouble. Arthur adopted (not officially mind you) Leon and promised to stay away from the opium. Sadly, days after Arthur brought Leon into his home, Yao was shot and killed by a rival gang. Arthur buried him near the cherry tree in his extensive backyard and had a small pond built by it for Leon.

But Arthur never saw Leon as a brother, he had plenty of those, but rather like an actual son despite the fact he was only seven years younger. Now he was sixteen and already so grownup…

“How do I look?”

Arthur looked up to see the young asian standing in the doorway with his hand running in his hair, the red tuxedo hugging him like a proper gentlemen.  
“You look dashing Leon. Like a true man. Oh my, you're all grown up…”  
“Arthur? Please don’t start crying…”  
“I’m not! I’m not! You, go have fun on your date with Emil. Make some grandchildren for me eh?”  
“Dad! Stop. You may act like a grandpa but you're not there yet--I’m not there yet old man.”  
“Did you just call me dad? Aw your so cute! C’mere.” Arthur smiled and pulled the Chinese boy into a hug, pinching his cheeks.  
“St-top it! Ugh you're just like Lukas!”  
“You know, Lukas and I are pretty good friends, you should get in good with him before you get into Emil’s pants, just in case.”  
“Dad!”  
“Do you have condoms?”  
“Stop!”  
“Lube? It’s good to have it just in case.”  
“I’m leaving!”  
“Bye sweetie! Be safe!”  
“No. Leave me be.” Leon rolled his eyes and slammed the door.  
“I love you!” Arthur paused and waited, a simper growing on his smiling face. There was a long sigh from outside before a crack in the door emerged.  
“Love ya too…”  
Arthur smiled and took another sip, walking to the window and watching his little boy disappear to rescue his princess. He really did want those grandchildren though.

But now Arthur was all alone in a lavish mansion that used to be full of laughter. Now it was so silent you could have heard the trees rustling from inside.

And then Michelle came bounding down the stairs and Arthur’s sullen peace was ruined. She worked on the set as a makeup artist but Michelle was another of Arthur’s lost kids. She had an internship, but was still Arthur’s little girl.  
“Arthur! I need you to braid my hair while I read my textbooks. My test is in three hours and I don’t have time to finish getting ready. Up to the challenge sir?”  
“Yes I am, ma’am.”

And minutes later she was out the door. Peter had left hours ago for school as well.  
This is how Arthur’s binge watching began. It started after Sherlock, and then once he was caught up on Doctor Who, he had almost nothing left to watch. That’s where Telenovelas began to come into play. A friend of Arthur’s named Antonio worked in the spanish drama department and had supplied him with a box set of his best selling series “Sto Aspettando Romano.”

Now he was hooked. “No! Romano! Can’t you see that he loves you! Stop being a Tsundere bitch! Get off the fucking plane you wank! He said he was sorry!”  
And so on.  
The ending was sad, Romano, played by Lovino Vargas, fell ill into a coma and Antonio's character, Fernandez, thinks it’s his fault.  
But he did it because he loved him. Well I mean he didn’t put him in the coma on purpose, but he put them in the car because he wanted to propose at the beach. 

But back to the real story.

Arthur heard a faint knocking as he opened took the last sip of his drink. Strolling over to the door, Arthur wore a rare grin on his lips.  
“Leon. forget the lube?” He teased as he yanked open the door.  
“Uh...dude?’’  
Alfred stood at the door dressed in a dark blue hoodie, khaki shorts and a starbucks cup to go with his beanie.  
“What the hell are you doing here? How do you know where I live?” Arthur all but screamed as Alfred let himself in.  
“Who’s Leon?” He asked, sitting down on the counter.  
“What are you doing?! Get off of my furniture! Why are you--why do you care about Leon?”  
“So I came over here to practice running lines. I like to perform like an ace on stage bro. So, got any milk? My coffee needs some.”

Arthur stood there, confused and dazed as his body moved towards the fridge to hand Alfred the milk gallon. It was proper manners after all when one had a guest over.  
“And you didn't text me because?”  
“Well I don't exactly have your number anymore.”

Well now, who’s fault was that? Arthur bit his tongue and sat on a barstool. “So you decided to come to my house?” Why even bother? Couldn’t Alfred see that Arthur wanted nothing to do with him?  
“Matties at hockey and I’m bored, so I thought, why not visit my British dude?” Alfred opened the carton and held it to his lips.  
“Don’t. You. Dare. I will end you Jones. Don’t fucking do it.”  
Alfred held a challenge in his eyes and he took a sip. “Whatcha gonna do to stop me, eyebrows?”  
Arthur rolled his eyes, giving up and ultimately deciding fighting the American for a half empty milk carton wasn’t worth it. “How do you know where I live anyway?”  
“Same house as always. Your family hasn’t moved in decades. I’m pretty sure the second living room couch stuffing is as petrified as you are.”  
“…OI! I don’t even know where to begin, how dare you, you disrespectful twat!”  
“So who’s Leon?”  
“None of your damned business. That’s who.”

*************************************************************

“Come on Quirky Kirky, say that line again!”  
“If you call me that I again I will drown you in my own swimming pool.”

Alfred was proud of himself. Arthur had every right to shut Alfred out, to yell at him and never talk to him again, but Alfred knew Arthur was kinder than most people thought his brother was. Arthur would never turn down someone who arrived at his door, unless it was Francis. Was Alfred taking advantage of Arthur? Yes, yes he was. Did he feel bad about it? Well a little, but in a way he really did need to run lines, and that was work.  
Alfred wanted to be the very best actor there was. Arthur had always been a distraction and had always been competition. So he was hitting two birds with one stone, A, practicing lines and getting used to Arthur calling him things like “Babe” “Sweetheart” and “Daddy” so he didn’t choke when Arthur said it on stage, and most importantly he was re-entering Arthur’s life. This would definitely affect him emotionally and therefore would produce less quality at his job due to stress. Wow. Alfred sounding super sociopathic there, didn’t he? Oh well, Alfred was the king, and the king always got what he wanted. 

“Alfred? Hello? Are you listening to me?”  
“Nope--I mean uh, yeah dude. I just forgot what you said, that’s all.”  
Arthur rolled his eyes. God Alfred loved it when he did that, the way his eyelashes shifted and how he sighed every time he did it, making his chest heave. It was very distressing and Alfred had no clue why. He needed to get this done as possible, go to work with the least amount of takes possible so he would never have to see Arthur again. So he could leave the past in the past and so he wouldn’t have to face it head on.


	5. Chapter 5  Polariod

Chapter 5

This wasn’t supposed to happen. As far as Alfred knew, the wedding scene for the promo was cancelled. Nope, damn executives gotta dress Alfred up in so much makeup he looked like a runway clown. He supposed that it had to be done, his eyes that were the same hue as the spade symbol needed to be highlighted and so did his golden spun hair that clashed with the silver crown. Now all he had to do was kiss his ex-boyfriend in front of a camera while pretending to marry him, but hey, take it a day a a time right? It’s not like he still found the little British boy attractive. He was to old and cynical for Alfred’s tastes.

_“Do you, Allen, Prince of Spades, take Oliver to be your queen before the court and the people of your land? To promise to love and care for him as you would your own people?”_

_Alfred smiled and took Arthur’s hand into his own. “I do.”_

_“Do you, Oliver, Prince of Spades, take Allen to be your king, to serve him as you would your people, before the clock of time, and the priestess of magic?”_

_“I do.” Arthur’s chipper British voice sounded, sending chills down Alfred’s spine._

_“You may kiss the groom.” The Pastor announced as the boys traded crowns, placing them on the other’s heads._

_Alfred dipped his head lower to reach Arthur’s pale lips. His own pair of lips quivered at the thought, his eyebrows furrowing as he pecked them lightly, disgust creeping onto of his face--_

“CUT! Jones! Kirkland! What the fuck are you doing? Are either of you capable of kissing or do I need to hire new actors?”

Alfred’s eyes grew as he pushed Arthur away from him. “Hey, I can kiss. alright lady! I just can’t kiss him, so hire _anybody_ else! Please!”

Arthur, frustrated completely with Alfred threw his head back in anger and sighed heavily. “Please, I am much more capable at kissing than you are, if anyone is to be fired it better be this loudmouthed lout!”

“Both of you knock it off! Scene 1, take 13. And Action!”

_“I do.” Allen smiled warmly at his childhood friend. Oliver looked up to meet his gaze and opened his mouth slightly as the preacher repeated his lines._

“Do you, Oliver Prince of Spades, take Allen to be your king, to serve him as your people before the clock of time and the priestess of magic?”

“I do.”

Allen reached down to cup his queen’s face, sealing a kiss on his lips. Alfred felt the warmth and nervousness from the man next to him as his pressed the Queen’s lips against his own.

“Cut!” Arthur growled and looked away. “Are you going to kiss me or not? We have a job to do, but maybe if you actually good at kissing this wouldn’t be a problem...”

 _“Please,_ I could probably make the Queen of England swoon!”

“Oh prove it then, bastard! Show me the skills that you brag so proudly about in front of the pretty camera!”

_“ _Oh I will!_ I could kiss that damned smirk off your face!” _

_“Oh really? Prove it then!”_

 _

“Fine! I will!” Alfred shouted and grabbed Arthur’s hand, his own traveling up his arm and pulling him into a kiss. Arthur squeaked, his eyes shooting open to meet Alfred’s eyelids. Alfred deepened the kiss, his tongue darting out to lick Arthur’s lower lip. Arthur groaned at that but dared not move a muscle in fear of encouraging Alfred to go on. Alfred slipped his tongue inside and something snapped. Something sinful, lustful and powerful. Alfred’s eyes flew open to meet Arthur’s so be greeted with furry and something else entirely.

Arthur pushed Alfred off him and slapped him as hard as he could muster. “You bastard!”

And with that he stormed off once again to his dressing room, the sound of the slamming door echoing in the halls.

Everyone was frozen, scared to move a muscle as Alfred bowed his head to the side, staring at the floor as he reached up to touch his reddening cheek.

****************************

_Six years ago_

“C’mon Arty, just one kiss?”

“No, Alfred stop!” Arthur giggled as Alfred placed delicate kisses on his nose and cheeks.

“Please? The view is almost is as beautiful as you are, at least let me take a pic and pec!”

Ah, pic and pecs. It was another one of Alfred’s crazy ideas. He would simply kiss Arthur sweetly in some scenic view and take a picture of him blushing afterwards. As he put it, it was the only way to take most perfect picture to exist. Arthur hated them of course, but he always gave in and let Alfred snap a picture on that Polaroid camera of his.

It was night time in DC, the cherry blossoms in full bloom and music drifting in the air from the live bands. It was truly the simple things in life, that cost nothing, that Alfred had craved back then. The time he was the happiest. It was a teenage dream for the two, Arthur at seventeen and Alfred fifteen going on sixteen.

“Alfred put the camera away love! We’ll be found out if you keep filming me like that.”

“It seems as if the wild Kinkland has become aggressive on this episode of undercover actors!”

“Oh shut up you.”

“Make me.” Alfred chuckled and locked lips with his one and only star. Arthur softened into the kiss and wrapped his arms around the tall blonde. Alfred, of course, paneled the camera towards the Brits ass as they kissed, getting a view on it that would come in handy later.

Arthur giggled. “Shut the camera off.”

“That, I can do.” Alfred smirked and closed his camcorder, stuffing it into his bomber jacket next to his Polaroid.

_

**************************************************

Arthur covered his mouth as he tried to hide the tears forming around his eyes. Arthur didn’t want to seem overly emotional. Ever. But this was too much all at once. He knew Alfred was playing with his feelings. He knew he had to shoot down the hope that bubbled in his stomach before it ever surfaced. He knew Alfred was going to stab him in the back and burn his heart to blackened crisp.

But he also knew Alfred always smelled like firewood, and that Alfred was kind and soft. He knew that Alfred’s eyes shone bright at the site of ice cream and his laugh was always lighthearted and full of joy.

No. He wasn't going to let Alfred mess with his head like this. He had felt the sensation of the kiss just as Alfred had, and knew that Alfred still had feelings for Arthur. Sexual or not, no matter how long it had been, and even if Alfred had forgotten Arthur completely, his body had definitely remembered.

Alfred wanted to play incubus? Well...

Two could play at that game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday! Posting this now because there's a storm coming my way and the internet is going to be down. Stay safe, where ever you live. Also winter is coming and that's pretty cool. Lots of fluffy sweater scenes.


	6. Teacups and blue boxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, enjoy my pretties~

Chapter 6

Arthur paced about the set in a loose grey sweater and tight black skinny jeans; his white boots were polished and shined to perfection. Today was the actors’ day off, and Arthur intended to enjoy it. But first things had to be done for tomorrow to be a masterpiece. 

Arthur had planned to move a few things around, this was his set and he planned to do things his way. First off, those dreary green drapes? Those had to go. They were neither pretty or sexy, all they did was sour the atmosphere. And an atmosphere was exactly what Arthur needed to create. 

In a movie red and dark purples lit a room to make things appear saucy, as it was a psychological trick to the human eye to accoste colors with feelings therefore creating a mood. Arthur fully intended to make cliche moves on Alfred, he was the Queen of Scenes after all, and boy would be make a scene.  
An englishmen should never spill his tea, ever, but of course that rule could be broken just once should he bend over to pick it up in front of a certain American.

Everything was now perfect. Maybe fighting with Alfred was childish, and manipulating each other was immoral, but all was fair in love and war. Although Arthur was certain he didn’t love Alfred, he knew that they were definitely fighting. Packing up the dreary drapes, Arthur grabbed his packet of lines and marched towards the empty stage.

The day whirled by as Arthur strutted across the scenes acting as the joyful Oliver. His lines were fairly simple, always bubbly, a tad bit dark but he could overlook these things. He was here to be other people's entertainment after all. Practice always made perfect. Even on his day off, Arthur worked at least until noon. 

But alas this was boring. Alfred hadn't come by on his day off, of course, and Arthur decided to call it quits for today. So he picked up his things and headed outside where the sunlight was almost too bright for Arthur to properly focus on his next move.

As a boy Arthur had always dreamed of being famous. In childhood his brothers always claimed the spotlight. Always got things first and always had their mothers love. So Arthur always made his own, was his own man. His brothers had their own reality tv shows about fishing for monsters, and hunting for ghosts and fairies. The Kirkland bunch. It seemed to Arthur that their branch of TV was petty and honestly wasn’t worth their paychecks. 

So Arthur worked, and worked and worked, trying ever so hard to gain approval. Always competing, trying to prove he was worth something and goddammit he was! Alfred was wrong, his mother was wrong, his brothers, his deadbeat father his cousins, they were all wrong. Arthur never climbed the ladder to fame, he grabbed the damn thing and threw it across the room, riding the elevator himself.

Arthur opened his car door and slammed it shut, reaching for the pair of sunglasses on the dashboard. Those stupid sunglasses brought up good memories, but now held a bitter sadness. Arthur closed his hand and grabbed the steering wheel instead. He had just planned to cruise along the coast of LA, maybe picnic at a vantage point and read a copy of Romeo and Juliet for the seventy seventh time, when his phone’s ringtone went off. 

_Leon: Hey I’m staying at Emil’s, Lukas said I could as long as I bring a sleeping bag for the couch._

Arthur sighed, these days his ‘Kids’ seemed to never be in the house. Peter was going to be shipped off to school in a few weeks seeing as his boarding school was in England. He knew Peter resented him for sending him so far away but he was getting a good education away from all the drama and politics here. The plane tickets were already pre-purchased for Peter’s departure. It was sad to see the lad go but Arthur feared of the future the boy might have here.  
Not to say LA was dangerous, per say, but it definitely could be. Arthur used to get into a lot of trouble trying to get attention from his mother.

And then Alfred came along. But enough about that.

Arthur had a few older brothers to visit in Santa Monica.

 

********

Alfred bounced excitedly as he waited for Matthew to return from his shopping trip. Matthew had just flown back from Canada with his personal assistant Gilbert (who Alfred was pretty sure was in some sort of relationship with Mattie) and said he would be staying at Alfred’s flat while he was here.  
Alfred actually lived in New York City most of the year but usually stayed at reverse summer homes for work. But New York was, and always would be, his heart his home, his city. Well he supposed DC was his heart, that's where he was born, but he had to leave it behind to pursue his career.  
Like so many other things.  
But he did have his own private plane, owned several houses and an overwhelming fanbase.  
So all was good.

“Alfred? Are you home--”  
“MATTIE!” Alfred practically strangled his brother as he smothered him in a tight bear hug. “I missed you so much dude? So how was Canadia?”  
“It’s Canada.”  
“Whatever? Are you hungry? I can grill up some lit burgers for you.”  
“No thank you Al, I’m fine.”  
“Um okay dude.”  
Alfred led Matthew to the kitchen sitting on the counter, a habit of his, and crossed his legs.  
“So when’s the big game?”  
“Next week, T-mobile, Las Vegas.”  
“Oh, so sounds like a family road trip huh?”  
“Um well…”  
“I can totally fly us.”  
“About that--”

“WASSUP BroHAS?!” Gilbert burst into the room. “The Awesome Gilbert is here, with all of his paperwork done.”  
“Thank you Gil.” Matthew sighed and relaxed a bit, making Alfred realize he was tensing.  
“Are you guys sure you're not hungry after the flight.”  
“Yes we’re sure Alfred, we ate at an Olive Garden before coming here.”  
“Oh.”  
Alfred looked down, biting his lip. He hardly ever got to see his twin these days, and it honestly really hurt that he didn’t come straight to Alfred’s. He would have picked them up at the airport but Mattie didn’t even tell him he was coming until last night and Alfred had to see his manager. 

Alfred cleared his throat. “So you two went out on a date in LA huh?”

Matthew turned as red as his hockey jersey. “N-no it’s not like that, I- we- it was late and we we’re jetlagged and it was next to the airport…”  
“Matthew is a great kisser.”  
“gILBERT!”  
“What?! If we’re going to be staying here we might as well let him know, that way we don't have to hide anything.”

“Gilbert, what exactly would we need to hide?”

“...” 

“Anyway,” Alfred interjected. “We should totally hit the shops in LA. Buy you guys some new threads. I also have a gift for you!”

Alfred patted a small blue wrapped box on the counter by his side.

“Maybe tomorrow Al. I’m kinda tired.”  
“Oh! Yes, right! I’ll show you where your room is--”  
“No it’s fine. I remember.”  
“Oh, then goodnight?”  
“Night Alfred.”

Alfred watched as Matthew walked down the hall with Gilbert in tow. The lights seemed to be just a bit dimmer, the walls a little too close. Alfred sighed and grabbed the small box from off the counter. He would just give this to Mattie later. He was tired, Alfred assured himself. Mattie surely was happy to be here right? Of course he was, why wouldn’t he be? 

Alfred got up and flipped off the light switch, walking to his bedroom in silent darkness, hearing the fading echo of laughter a few doors down.


	7. Elysium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you'll see.

Chapter 7

"C'mon Mattie! Wake up! It's 7:30 am and I have a whole day planned out for us! First we need to go jogging up the hills here, gotta get in shape for that hockey game bro, and _then_ we can go to Denny's and pig out, then hit the gym. After that, we can go to the mall and buy new clothes, and see a movie by 3:30! Then we can go to that fancy Japanese restaurant down the street, eat, and you can practice at the small rink here!"

Matthew groaned at the man jumping up and down next to him. Saturdays were for sleeping. Not for loud noises and sunlight.

"Alfred, that's very kind of you to plan my days out, like you have for years, but no. I already made plans with Gilbert, sorry."

"Well I can come with you two as a chaperone!"

"Alfred..." Matthew looked around the room and shut the door. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't come to LA to hangout with you..."

"Oh, you came to train right?! Alright bro, let's go!" Alfred yelled and pumped a fist into the air. "We can get pumped in no time, get you ready for that game you big beauty!"

"Right, so about that game--"

Alfred smiled brightly as he brought out the small blue box he had offered Mattie yesterday. He eagerly shoved it towards Matthew with child-like glee to rival that of a five year old giving his mother a present on Mother's Day.

"Open it Mattie!"

"What is it for?..."

"Well," Alfred reached up and scratched his hair. "Nothing really, just sorta an 'I love you bro.' Kinda gift. Don't make me get all mushy, just open it already."

Alfred watched as Matthew slowly opened the tightly wrapped gift. The silver wrapping paper cradled a small hockey puck.

"What's this?"

"Turn it over!" Alfred instructed, smiling from ear to ear like an excited puppy.

Matthew did slowly, Alfred watching with eagerness.

"I-is this?"

"It is." Alfred smirked.

"How did you get- he-"

"Us actors have our ways."

Matthew let out a shrill shriek and cradled the puck to his chest.

"Alfred! I don't know what to say!"

"How about thank you, my lovely big brother!"

"Thank you my lovely big headed brother!" Matthew squeezed Alfred into a tight hug.

Alfred playfully hit his twin's shoulder. "Hey, that's not nice you big moose."

Matthew laughed and let go ,staring at the signed hockey puck, signed by the one of the NHL's hockey legends, Gordie Howe, who had died earlier that year.

Alfred was ecstatic to give Matt the puck he had signed months ago. He originally got it for Matt's birthday, but couldn't give it to him due to the drug charges...

That was fun birthday brotherly bonding.

Of course, that's when Gilbert entered the room dressed in a simple white dress shirt and black slacks. "You guys ready to go shopping?"

Alfred gave Matthew a sideways glance. "I thought you said you two were busy..."

Matthew froze like a deer caught in headlights as he glared at Gilbert. "We were, things changed apparently. I'll go get ready, I'm sure Gilbert _has something he would like to discuss with you._ " He coughed and walked out the door and into the hallway, towards the bathroom.

"Gilbert? What's Mattie talking about?" Alfred asked setting the box down.

The albino in question sat down on the bed besides Alfred and fidgeted with his hands.

"So, um, I don't really know how to go about this Al. We've been friends for years right? I remember the good old glory days, just six years ago after you left that show thingy you worked on. We were tight, two dorks wanted more in life, drinking our sorrows away with Mathias. Well I also remember seeing your brother for the first time. He was so meek and quiet..."

"Gil?..."

Gilbert looked at the floor and tangled his hand into the sheets. "Let me finish Alfredo Sauce. Your brother was always there with you, and he always seemed so alone...so instead of becoming the big shot I always wanted to be I became his "assistant" just so I could see him more often. I fell in love with your brother, and Al, I want to give him the best, most awesome life I can, so what I really am asking..."

Alfred held in his breath. "Go on man."

Gilbert finally looked up at Alfred, tears edging at the corners of his eyes.

"I want your permission, your blessing if you will, to ask Matthew to marry me."

Alfred let out a strangled squeal, ice flooding his chest. "What?!"

"I love your brother so much Al. Please, I wanted to do this the right way and ask you first. I mean your parents are...not here... and I swear I wanted to tell you before Mattie found out but he found the ring and the speech I was gonna give you, so he knows I'm gonna pop the million dollar question soon."

"Dude! You can't just drop a bomb on me like that!"

"Whatever just tell me yes or no already."

"Ok," Alfred smiled and leaned in close to Gilbert's ear. "No."

Gilbert froze. "What?"

"I said no. My brother deserves only the best, the finest, and Gilbert, you're my best friend. How do I know you're not gonna hurt him?" Alfred closed his mouth into a thin line.

"Because Alfred, out of all the people who have hurt him in this world, you're the one that hurt him the most."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oi!" Arthur snapped at his eldest brother as the bright red-headed man snatched the teacup from his hands.

"No need for that laddie, we're going drinking tonight!" Alistair barked and threw the teacup at the sink. Arthur sighed at the sound of the cup breaking. Dammit, he really liked that cup.

"What about Peter?"

"What about him Art?"

"We can't just leave him alone, now can we?"

"Well why not? He's old enough to be alone."  
"And when we come come drunk off our arses?"

"Fair point. I'll have the twins stay here wit him. You looked tired, and sorry off your ass, but that's nothing a little party can't fix."

"Alistair..."

"Come on! Are you the erotic ambassador or not?"

Arthur nodded slowly and walked towards the fireplace. "Are you sure? I don't want to become like Mum and Dad. I don't want him to feel like I'm leaving him to party..."

"Arthur." Alistair placed a hand on his shoulder. "Peter will be fine. You'll never be like our parents, trust me, as pissy as you might be, you don't have it in you to abandon anyone."

Arthur whirled around and grabbed Alistair's hand and taking it off of his shoulder.

_"Then why is it always in people to abandon me?_ Huh? You always have an answer for everything Alistair, riddle me that Bat-"

"Arthur?"

"Bat-man. Ri-ridle" Arthur closed his eyes and cradled a finger to his mouth, biting it down to keep his damned mouth shut.

"Arthur...are you crying over Batman?..."

"No! Ugh it's just something he... It's something someone that I knew used to say a lot that's all."

"You look like you really need a drink. C'mon laddie, Elysium awaits."

*****************************

Alfred was absolutely wasted. Not drunk, not tipsy, not even fuck faced. No. He was wasted, full blown GTA wasted. He stumbled upon the crowds of people on the dance floor as he looked for another bartender.

His brother was going to marry Gilbert no matter what Alfred thought. He was going to take the only family Alfred had left, and Alfred was sure that once Matthew rode away on that horse with his knight in shining armor, he'd never come back...

And yet Gilbert was right. All Alfred ever seemed to do was hurt Matthew...but he never meant it. It was all just bad luck, God he loved his brother so much...

And now Alfred was going to be alone again. He had thrown away his entire life for his career, a career that gave him everything he wanted, money, fame, nice cars, fans, but yet it took away everything he loved.

After Alfred told Gilbert no, Matthew came in the room. He overheard everything. He told Alfred that he didn't want him at the hockey game in a week. That's what he had been trying to tell Alfred since he got here. Matthew was afraid that Alfred would steal all the attention Mattie would receive if he went to the game, people gawking over a celebrity appearance and not Matthew kicking ass in the ring.

And he was right, Alfred would fuck up everything like he always did. He was a hero saving people from the problems he created. Matthew was finally going to be on the cover of a magazine, finally going to be noticed.

_Who was Alfred to take that away?_

"Hey honey? Is your ass made out of sugar," Alfred hiccuped and slid in next to the slender girl dancing next to him. "Cuz it sure is sweet."

"Fuck off asshole." She barked and moved away.

"Ugh, I'm gay anyway." Alfred glowered and moved on.

And so on, getting rejected from both men and women alike with similar comments.

That was until he saw _him._ And God was he gorgeous.

***********

"You come here often?" Arthur giggled and clung to the man next to him. Alistair had left to go to the restroom a while ago, but Arthur couldn't find a trace of him anywhere.

"No, but if I can find you here often, then consider me a VIP guest." The man chuckled in Arthur's ear.

Arthur rolled his eyes and continued dancing to the beat with the man besides him.

"Hey, you should totally get your license taken away, because baby," The man paused and smoothly slung an arm around Arthur's slender shoulders. "You're driving me crazy."

Arthur let out a chortle, and broke away from the man. "Well if you want me to bring you into my parking garage," He paused, and turned away from the man swaying his hips with a flirtatious wink. "You'll come over here and put my gears into shift."

The man had startling blue eyes that held such a dominance. Arthur needed a good shag anyway, isn't that the point of going to a club to get drunk rather a bar? He felt eyes from all over watching him as the strange man approached him yet again, this time wrapping his arms low around Arthur's waist.

Arthur began to move his hips again, enticing a groan from the man. The night was young and Arthur felt younger than he had in ages. The lights, the music, the beat pumping through the in sync with the rhythmic bodies...

And then the man's mouth was on his own, groping him lightly...

And then they were against the inside wall of the club...

To a taxi in the backseat, rutting ever so lightly...

And then the next thing Arthur knew, he was standing before the stranger in his own bedroom in nothing but a pair of heels, locking the door behind him.

_Until finally he woke up to man lying in nothing but boxers next to him the very next day, none other than his ex-boyfriend, co-worker and biggest heartbreak of his life, Alfred F. Jones._


	8. To be Happy- Part One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash back time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 1,000 hits! I honestly never thought this little project of mine would get so much attention, especially since the first few chapters had so many issues XD (I'll fix those when I get time lol)  
> But, thank you again for following me thus far, it really means a lot.  
> Well without further a do, what ya'll are really here for, Chapter 8 of Of Kings and Queens

_Ten years ago, Washington DC, the summer of 2004_

 

The wind griped Arthur’s hair as he looked up to the stage before him. The boy singing in front of him had the voice of an angel. He was sitting atop the stage wearing slacks and a simple cowboy hat, strumming the guitar before him lightly, as if he was scared the emotion in his voice would break it.  
Arthur’s mother was there as well, tugging at Arthur’s shoulder.  
“Come now, we have a multitude of things to accomplish Arthur.”  
“But Mother, can’t we just stay a moment longer? Please? We are at a fair…” Arthur mumbled.  
“Yes, we are at a fair, Arthur, but we are here to work, remember? We have to choose a new representative for the consul, select a child from the new show airing, and pick up your father’s order of liquor. We don’t have time to dilly dally.”

 

Arthur nodded and followed his mother, his head bowed into submission just as he was taught. Although he _could_ potentially convince his mother to stay, stating the boy on the stage would be perfect for the new show, he didn’t. Any conflict with his mother was best if avoided. 

 

Arthur’s mother was a top notch corporate producer and her studio was currently in the works of a new show. It was going to be about a magical land where four kingdoms stood proud and tall, the four suits of a deck. Spades, Clubs, Diamonds and Hearts. Arthur was going to simply play a small beggar child. 

 

His mother always did say that his looks matched the part, more rugged and angry than princely.

 

The plot was simple, but intriguing to Arthur who loved clique fantasy stories. The kingdom of Spades was on the verge of a collapse, the economy failing and a missing heir to the throne. The boy selected would play the prince of spades. The two boys would team up and play together in some of the minor scenes, they were side characters after all. Arthur was excited for his first acting job.

 

So Arthur followed his mother to the judge’s seat and sat down next to her, remembering to sit as perfectly still as possible. The boy on the stage was still singing, strumming his guitar with glasses that were just a little too big for his frame.

 

_“Our lives are truly in a world of wonder, a poem of my life, it’s a pretty song I remember…”_

 

Arthur nudged his mum. “I think we’ve found our prince Allen, Mother.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alfred waited quietly by the staircase as a British woman stood at the front desk of the orphanage. The woman had long blonde hair curled up into a bun and squared thick glasses that framed her face in an elegant and graceful manner. Miss Bella, the orphanage caretaker, chatted quietly with her, nodding her head and pulling out papers. Someone was going to be adopted.

 

Lovino tapped Alfred on the shoulder.  
“Betcha 5 dollars they're here for one of the infants.”

 

Alfred laughed dryly. “Aren’t they always? Only Feliciano was lucky enough to get picked.”

 

Lovino nodded sourly. Alfred knew that was a fragile subject. Feliciano was adopted by a newly wed Hungarian woman and Austrian man a few months prior.

 

“Alfred! Would you come here please honey?” Bella called, startling Alfred. 

 

Lovino gave him a shrug and pushed him into the hallway where the British woman was waiting.

 

“Hello, I’m Alice Kirkland. I was at the fair a few days ago when my son noticed your talents with the guitar. I work for a production agency and was wondering if you would like to play a role in one of my shows.”

 

Alfred blinked. “Are you going to foster me?”

 

The woman shook her head. “I was looking for something a bit more permanent dear. Legal rights and all, it would be easier to just adopt you.”

 

Alfred glanced back to Lovino who was still hiding by the staircase. 

 

“Like adopt, adopt me?”

 

“Is there another use for the word adopt?” The woman frowned.

 

“Um, no ma’am. I don’t think so anyway.” Alfred looked at his feet. “So I’m going to be in a movie because I was in the state talent show?”

 

“Precisely.” The woman responded, narrowing her eyes. “You would be living with the rest of my sons. You will be well taken care of in our house in LA.”  
Alfred’s eyes widened. “LA? That’s really far from here…”

 

“Yes, it is.” Alice nodded. “So, go pack your bags. My son Arthur is here to assist you so that we may leave as quickly as possible. Go on now.” 

 

A blonde male came out from behind Alice. He was small, rugged and a little scary to Alfred. His hair was a tangled mess, his eyebrows huge. But underneath those huge eyebrows and messy bangs, there were two sharp, brilliant green eyes that grabbed Alfred’s attention.

 

“Alfred F. Jones at your service!” He saluted at the young male.

 

“Hullo, I’m Arthur Kirkland, pleased to meet you.” The boy held out his hand gracefully, the smallest of smiles playing on his lips.  
The ten year old sighed breathlessly and gently took Arthur's hand into his own. “The pleasure is mine, Arthur.”

 

~~~~~~~~

 

_Spring of 2008, Los Angeles, California._

 

_“Alfred!”_ Arthur hissed as he was dragged away behind the stage into the backrooms. “What the bloody hell are you doing?”  
“Shh! You’ll see! We can’t be caught here, so be quiet will ya?”  
“You're the one causing all the ruckus.” Arthur muttered under his breath.

 

Alfred shut the door behind them with and locked it, pulling out a poorly wrapped bundle of green construction paper.  
“Happy 14th Birthday Artie!” Alfred shouted and held out the gift.  
“Oh, it is my birthday, isn’t it? Aw, thank you, you didn’t have to get anything for me.” Arthur hummed and yanked the gift back from Alfred.  
“Don’t be silly! Open it!”  
Arthur laughed and ripped the paper held together by scotch tape to reveal a set of golden rimmed aviator glasses.  
“What are these for Al?”  
Alfred smiled and grabbed the glasses from Arthur and placed them on his best friend’s face.  
“I bought them with the money I saved when I visited Mattie in DC last summer. They reminded me of you ‘cuz your an actor, and when you put them on you’ll look like James Bond!”

 

Arthur laughed, a light pure hearted chuckle that made Alfred’s stomach flutter. A laugh that made Alfred’s lips burn and that was so contagious he would do anything to hear it again. 

 

“Thank you, _my hero._ ” Arthur smirked and kissed Alfred gently on the cheek.

 

Alfred felt his heart hammer in his chest, beating loudly as he reached up to feel the peck. Looking back up into Arthur’s eyes, he saw the other was glowing with happiness. Alfred reached up to hold Arthur’s cheek. Arthur shivered at his touch and leaned in, never breaking his gaze and sighed as Alfred reached up with his other hand to brush his bangs away.  
“Artie?”  
“Hm?” Arthur gently wrapped his hand around the other’s neck.  
“I think I’m in love with you.”  
“I know.” Arthur let out a shaky laugh as he pulled Alfred to him, pecking him on the lips for the very first time, and kissing the other softly.

 

Alfred couldn’t have been happier, nothing could have given him more joy, more love than what he did here in secret, behind closed doors with the love as his life.

 

But as a young teenager, as a blind fool in love, Alfred wanted nothing more than to stay there forever frozen with his arms around Arthur as they shared their first kiss together.

 

_That was until the young naive boy fell pray to the money that came into his pockets every month and the way people looked at him in awe and respect when he walked down the street. The tabloids that said he could move far beyond kids programming._

 

And like domino pieces, one after another, the greed, the **want** to do something more kept eating and eating away at Alfred. The higher calling, the higher paychecks, the higher floors of hotels....

 

Until one day Alfred looked at Arthur and didn’t see that blazing star, those green eyes, the way he made Alfred stumble over his own feet, but instead saw someone who was tying him down and holding him down like an anchor to a ship, a rope on an eagle.

 

He wanted to be free of the Kirkland name, be independent of the British family. 

 

So with that he signed his declaration of independence. A resignation letter from the very show that made him who he was, leaving everything he knew behind for the bright future as an actor ahead of him.

 

And he never looked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sadly, the next chapter may be a bit delayed as this one was because I am currently moving to good old Texas in ten days. I have a lot to things to do, such as finish packing, clean the house, look at my new school schedules and such. I will however, try to get the next chapter out by next Friday, so cross your fingers and wish me luck! Oh by the way, the song Alfred was singing was Ephemeral Flowers, otherwise known as 'Davie's song'  
> >:3


	9. To Be Happy- Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually just drove through LA a few days ago so this is fresh as can be! Enjoy!

_Summer of 2010, six years ago_

 

Alfred hummed to himself as he walked outside onto the large field behind the studio. The city planned to build a hotel here, but for now it was a large grassy field that Alfred loved to play in on his free time.  
“Alfred? Is that you?” Arthur called out as the rain poured down his face.  
“Arthur!! There you are! I was wondering where my Che-pet went! Why are you out here in the rain alone?”

 

Arthur held up a piece of paper, frowning at Alfred. “You tell me, Mr. Jones, why are you out here?” 

 

Alfred took one good look at the paper and knew exactly what it was. It was his emancipation papers.

 

“Great! You found it, I was just about to tell you! Now you can quit too and--”

 

Arthur cut Alfred off with glare. “Do you realize what this means?”

 

“Yes, you can come with me Artie! We can go off together--”

 

“Alfred! Do you realize what you've done?!” Arthur snapped, balling the paper.

 

Alfred blinked and swallowed the spit that was building in his throat. “Yeah, I’m no longer a Kirkland.”

 

“It means you have to live on your own idiot!” Arthur barked.

 

“Arthur I want my freedom! I'm not a child anymore nor your brother, on television or at home. Can't you see that we’re no longer brothers, we can be together! Consider me independent! I never liked your mom anyway.” Alfred looked away and off into pouring rain.

 

“You'll sink the company. You're a major character we can't just replace you! I won't allow it!! Why?! Dammit why?! You idiot why can't you follow anything through to the end? Tell me Alfred!!” Arthur tore the paper and hatefully glared into Alfred’s eyes.

 

“Is that all you care about? The company? The show? What about me, huh? Mr. _Kirkland._ We could have a life together now, do bigger things, _be a couple!_ What happened to you, to us?”

 

“This isn't fair!! There's no way I can just watch you leave us to suffer, I can't-- I- I--”

 

And for the first time in many years Alfred watched as tears poured down Arthur’s face like that of rain, of a queen who learned her husband died in war. Tears of a king whose empire had fallen.

 

“Why?” Was all Arthur said in a hushed tone.

 

“You know why…” Alfred whispered back thinking back to all the arguments they've had over the past month. All the times Arthur told him where to go, what to wear, all the time Arthur would spend on the stupid show, rather than spending it with Alfred. 

 

The times when they were so loving together, now always constantly fighting.

 

_“I remember when you used to be so great…”_

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

_Present time._

 

Alfred rolled over and wrapped his arms around the sleeping body next to him. He couldn't remember who he had slept with, what gender or age. Alfred only remembered green eyes and the feeling of being completely satisfied.

 

Like most one night stands, Alfred grabbed his pants and other clothes and took one last look at the sleeping form next to---

 

“Oh for fucks sake!!”

 

Arthur, startled by the noise, aroused from his sleep and locked eyes with the American. “What the bloody fuck are you doing in my house?!” 

 

\------------------------------

 

Arthur was now sitting down at the counter as he poured himself a shot glass of whiskey. Alfred was sitting awkwardly on the couch sipping water and staring out the window. 

 

It wasn’t everyday you slept with your famous ex-boyfriend.

 

Damn it, if Alistair never brought him to the damn club thi never would have happened. 

 

“Tell me again, _Mr. Jones,_ what the bloody fuck happened last night, and how you got into my house and my bed without recalling a thing we did?”

 

“I’m telling you the truth, _Mr. Kirkland_ , I don’t remember what happened last night, a’ight? I was at the club and then I woke up naked here, so you tell me why you kidnapped me!”

 

“I did not kidnap you, you twat! You broke into my house!”

 

“No you must have kidnapped me, because there is no way in hell I would sleep with you!”  
Arthur flinched a t that and looked at the blank white walls, taking a sip of the bitter whiskey, feeling it burn the back of his throat. 

 

“I didn’t mean-- Arthur you damn well know I didn’t mean it like _that._ I’ll rephrase, okay, so I don’t hurt your itty bitty feelings--”

 

_TWACK_

 

“Get the fuck out of my house! I don’t need you, I don’t want you! I’m Arthur fucking Kirkland!” He screamed and threw his other shoe at Alfred from the floor.

 

“Jeez dude calm down!”

 

“You calm down! And get out! Just get the hell away from me and leave me alone. I never wanted to see you again anyway! God, I wish I never met you!”

 

Alfred gave him a broken look, as if Arthur had just kicked him in the face.  
“Do you really mean that? Was it all just a silly game to you--were-- no _are_ my feelings just a _game_ to you?!”

 

“Oh, so we’re talking about _your_ feelings now, huh? What about mine!! You _left_ my family and I alone! You slept with _me_ at _my_ house, you completely disregard our breakup as it never happened, like we never ever were in love, and ask to be _friends_. Did you even ever have feelings for me or was it all just a ploy to get money?”

 

Alfred slammed his hand onto the counter next to Arthur, making him spill his drink at the damn yank’s super strength.

 

“How could you say that!” He yelled as his voice broke. “Is that what you really think of me?! I’m not some money hungry monster! I was young, fifteen for fuck’s sake Arthur! I was a kid, and I needed to become a man!”

 

“Oh so what, I kept you from becoming a _man_?! Please Alfred--”

 

“No Arthur! I made my own name and I didn’t need you to do it. I don’t use people, _unlike you_ who only took in an orphan because it would make you look good.” Alfred growled and hovered inches from Arthur’s face.  
Arthur felt an angry fire light inside of him as he grabbed Alfred by the shoulder. “You listen here you gold digging piece of--”

 

Alfred’s hand grabbed the back of his neck and pushed him forward, their lips colliding together in a heated clash. Arthur was angry, angrier than he had been the day he walked into the studio and saw Alfred there, angrier than the time Alfred had asked him to be friends, angrier than the time Alfred kissed him on set. So like a perfectly sane person he kissed back with all the intensity and rage that he had built up over years.

 

And it was amazing.

 

Alfred matched the flame and placed Arthur on the countertop and wrapped his tone arms around Arthur’s lithe body. Arthur grabbed Alfred’s hair and tangled his hands in it, kissing Alfred hotly and passionately. 

 

Alfred gasped and broke apart, panting as those blue eyes stared into Arthur’s soul. He had so _many_ many things he wanted to say at that moment, but one outshone the others.

 

“Get out.”

 

Alfred nodded and picked up the rest of his clothing from Arthur’s joined living room and kitchen. He then gave Arthur one last longing, sad look before walking out the door.

 

Arthur let out a relieved sigh and slumped on the counter. All his feelings were just thrown into a blender and now he didn’t know what to think. Alfred had broken his heart before and Arthur vowed to never let him in again, but yet here he was letting Alfred back in. And when Arthur thought about it the more he realized that they had _sex_. Arthur shivered as he poured another shot, vowing to never drink again after this.

 

Behind him a voice coughed and Arthur turned to see Leon standing in the doorway with a hand on the frame. Leon, but Arthur was supposed to be spending the weekend with Peter and his brothers.. _Peter!_ Oh God Arthur left him alone just like he promised himself he wouldn’t do---  
“So um, you okay old man?” Leon asked and sat down next to Arthur on the bar.

 

“No.” Arthur croaked and felt his exterior crumble.  
Leon shushed him and held him close in a bear hug, which was rare for the young Chinese boy to hug anyone. “I heard everything.”

Arthur broke away. “You what?”

 

Leon’s eyes grew wide. “Well not _everything_ , I mean from this morning…”

 

Arthur blushed.

 

“Though I heard the other stuff too…” Leon paused as Arthur drew in a breath. “Just kidding.”

 

Arthur smacked Leon’s arm as the teen giggled. 

 

“You know, if you love something, set it free, and if it comes back it was meant to be.” Leon quoted and hopped off the counter.

 

“What?” 

 

“Nothing.” He smiled and walked back upstairs.


	10. A Villain in Your Own Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So fair warning, mentions of some dark stuff (eating disorder) in this chappie for those that may be sensitive to that topic bc Alfred is a depressed little shit in a lot of the shit I write. 
> 
> Also this isn't beta'd so beware.

Alfred was panicking. He knew he shouldn't be driving while in such a distressed state but of course that had slipped his mind completely. Green eyes were burned into the back of his skull, eyes that were blazing with life and--oh boy. Oooh boy. 

 

Alfred pinched himself and mentally told himself to watch the road. Don't think about Arthur’s silky hair, or his crooked smirk, or his soft pale lips…

 

Sweeer! Alfred swerved as he realized he was driving in the wrong lane as a car steadily approached him. Alfred checked his speed limit. 65 miles per hour on I5. Alfred let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t speeding, but his heart sure was racing.

 

Driving early in the morning had it’s perks Alfred supposed. For one barely anyone was on the road, so even if Alfred fucked up no one would see it. Well the cops would, but normally they let the famous _Alfred F. Jones_

 

Being an Actor had it’s perks as well.

 

But of course the real reason Alfred loved to drive early in the mornings and late afternoons was that no one, absolutely no one was on the road to witness him singing. Alfred was always the first one to show up and the last one to leave. It really did help his work performance, but oh if his boss’s only knew why.

 

Alfred normally sung things from;

 

_“Sweeeet home Alabama!”_

 

To things such as;

 

_“I knew you were trouble when you walked in!”_

 

But today Alfred sat in silence as he drove to his little summer workhouse in LA. Not a sound was made as he parked in his driveway and opened the door.

 

Matthew and Gilbert were sitting at Alfred’s breakfast table and chatting quietly as pancakes and eggs sizzled in a pan on the stove.

 

Alfred then remembered Matthew was still pissed at him for not blessing their engagement. Alfred really needed to vent though…

 

“Matthew I--” _Just had sex with Arthur_   
Alfred paused to catch his breath, now gaining the boys attention.

 

Matthew and Gilbert looked up at him with blank expressions. 

 

“I--” Alfred closed his eyes trying to spit out the words. _I just slept with Arthur…_  
“Spit it out Alfredo Sauce, what’d ya do?” Gilbert narrowed his eyes in anticipation.

 

“I-I just- I just had--” Alfred stammered and ran his fingers in his hair, pulling and grabbing as his other hand reach up to his lips. “I just kissed--”

 

Matthew raised an eyebrow and gestured for Alfred to continue.

 

“I JUST HAD SEX!” Alfred shouted and backed out of the house, slamming the door. 

 

Matthew wouldn’t care who Alfred slept with. He would just call him irresponsible and roll his eyes. 

 

Alfred ran back down his driveway and yanked out his phone from the pockets of his bomber jacket and began to scroll through all the contacts in his list. None of them would possibly care, all but one. 

 

Kiku Honda. He was an old friend of Alfred’s and worked for the tabloids and local newspaper as a photographer and writer. It was a risky bet to call Kiku, but he was a friend, right? Alfred drove to the nearest McDonald’s and parked in the lot, flipping out his phone. 

 

“Hey Kiku? You gotta minute to talk?...I really need a friend right now…”

 

~~  
Minutes later, after the phone call, Alfred walked into the McDonald’s and ordered his usual Big Mack and sat down. People of all ages recognized him and asked for pictures. Alfred obliged happily, thankful for the distraction. He signed things from McDonald’s cups to t-shirts as he collected his things and walked back to his car, renting a room at the nearest motel 8.

 

As Alfred unwrapped the Big Mac he contemplated the day's events and tomorrow's future. He needed to get his baby (Alfred’s prized car) checked, go to that photoshoot at 3, and Avoid Arthur at _all_ costs.

 

Da nile was just a river in egypt. But that doesn't mean Alfred was totally oblivious to his own feelings as long as he knew he had them. 

 

As he took a bite of the gooey burger, Alfred counted all the problems he had caused over the course of the past few days. One bite for each problem he faced, as tradition. The first bite of the day would go to his car, which needed to be re-registered and checked up on. Not too big of a problem, but still worth noting.

 

Number 2 went to his current state of his relationship with his brother. Matthew deserved to be happy no matter what, and Gilbert’s words still burned into Alfred to know he was hurting his twin. It’s not like the only reason he rudely told Gilbert he couldn’t marry his brother was because he was jealous or anything. It’s not like he was utterly terrified to have Gilbert whisk Matthew away. It’s not like he craved a family he would never have.

 

Bite number three went to Alfred’s career. As it was, even King’s had their dark ages. Alfred wasn’t as hot on the market as he used to be, no longer appealing to young teens but now older women. It was a slow transition where people weren't as crazy over him, but Alfred was sure it was nothing a little shirtless action couldn't fix, right?

 

4 to Alfred’s love life. He could practically already feel sick of the taste of lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise as he thought about the number of people he’s dated in the past. The number was smaller than five, which could be considered concerning for a celebrity of his stature.

 

Taking his fifth bite, The King’s thoughts drifted back to Arthur. _God_ had he fucked things up with Arthur. After tonight, Alfred finally gave into the loneliness of his own feelings and accepted the fact that he missed Arthur dearly. As both a friend and a lover, and in every sense Alfred ever knew Arthur, he missed him, and could not bear the rock pitting in his stomach when he heard that name or saw green eyes. The guilt, oh boy the guilt was unbearable. 

 

Every so often when his mind drifted to Arthur, Alfred thought of the same simple question over and over again.

 

“What if?”   
What if he never left Arthur? What if he took Arthur with him? What if he didn't break up with Arthur at all? What would his life look like if he never fell in love with the brit? What would it look like if he fell in love with him again? Or what if they had never met at all?

 

What Alfred had done to Arthur, with him, together, it was undoable. As kids it was innocent, neither of them not knowing what love was, what lust did, what a relationship entailed. They had discovered that together in an unshakeable innocence.

 

Well it wasn’t _completely_ innocent, after all, last night was not the first night Alfred had slept with Arthur, Alfred thought to himself and laughed bitterly.

 

His feelings about Arthur were pretty muddled and probably needed a burger of it’s own so Alfred swallowed and moved on.

 

The sixth bite went to his image to public. It was a small and simple unfixable problem. Alfred would only be seen as a character in a movie or an Idol to a fangirl and never as a person with boundaries and feelings. Well, beggars can’t be choosers.

 

Seven went to his abandonment issues. Whaaaat, Alfred couldn’t have abandonment issues when he was the one constantly leaving people behind...oh wait, that might be a side effect. Alfred would have to ask his psychiatrist that later.

 

Bite number eight went to Alfred’s commitment issues, which was pretty self explanatory.

 

Nine went back to his abandonment issues, namely his mommy and daddy issues. Through all the shallow shit Alfred has done, never once, not once had he visited his parent’s graves in the past eight years. It was awful, the guilt building each day, each birthday, each mother’s and father’s day, yet Alfred could never bring himself to do it. He felt as if he didn’t deserve to have parents sometimes. If his mom and dad were alive, would they be proud of their baby boy?

 

Alfred wondered that question the most often these days, every time he purged, every time he gave a second glance in the mirror. Would they be proud of how he turned out?

 

Speaking of which, Alfred took his tenth bite as he thought about himself, the flab on his stomach, his imperfect hair, the freckles on his nose, his height, his weight, all the little things Alfred hated about himself. The way he talked, the way he sang, what he did to others, to himself.

 

It’s why he loved his job. He didn’t have to be Alfred Jones, he could be anyone but himself. For a few hours everyday, Alfred F. Jones did not exist, and neither did his problems.

 

After a few more bites Alfred was at the last one, the thirteenth bite. For this one, Alfred saved the best for last. 

 

What the hell happened to the boy that played with rabbits at the orphanage with Davie and Matthew? The little boy who wanted nothing more than to be-a-a-

 

Alfred felt the tears finally spill over as he repeated the word in his mind over and over again.

 

A hero.

 

That was always Alfred’s goal, his dream, to save people to _help_ people. Some hero he was. Alfred missed the part of him that died the day he signed up for that damned job. A hero. A hero. Alfred was no hero, the more he thought about it the more Alfred realized he was the Villain in his own damn story.  
Alfred had lived so long that he saw himself loose all that innocence, all that good, and morphed into a sinful, evil _villain_

 

Everything, _everything_ he despised as a child was who he was now.

 

He lied. He cheated, he was vain and shallow, he was a God damned coward for avoiding everyone, and the list went on---

 

Alfred let out a shriek as his body screamed _enough._

 

Alfred scrambled to the toilet and shoved a finger into his mouth, feeling the burning feeling in the back of his throat as the burger came back up, emptying his meal, soda included, into the toilet bowl.

 

Alfred wiped his mouth with toilet paper and flushed the toilet, sitting against the tiles and letting out all the frustrations from his life, glaring at the uneaten burger and the one problem, _the one problem he couldn’t swallow._

 

Alfred felt his vision blur, his skin chilling like ice as he collapsed onto the floor, screaming in his hands, gripping his hair. 

 

Alfred needed a hero more than he could ever imagine, because someone needed to save him from himself before he self destructed even more. He didn’t feel safe, he didn’t feel happy, he didn’t feel loved, and all he did feel was emptiness, regret and guilt.

 

He created a monster, he was the villain of his own story. All he needed was a wart, and a hunch. 

 

Then Alfred smelled the left over puke lying on the floor, and couldn’t seemed to get to the toilet bowl fast enough.

 

But maybe it wasn’t the vomit that made Alfred sick.

 

Maybe it was himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to comment! I honestly would rather have 5 comments than 12 kudos, I really do love hearing from you guys! Also hope I you weren't eating while reading this...


	11. If You Take a Bite of My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me this long!

Arthur sat silently with the other parents of the high school as he held a small pink pamphlet to his chest. Peter squeezed in next to him, chatting on and on about how he had made some friends in the lobby. Arthur nodded along and listened to Peter mindlessly go on and on about making new friends and how they might be able to keep in touch through the internet.

 

As the stage lights before them dimmed, Arthur shushed Peter.  
“But it’s not starting yet Arthur!” Peter complained.  
“The play will begin momentarily Peter! Hush!” Arthur growled and scolded the young Brit.  
Peter whined, but reluctantly sat back in his seat and watched as the high schoolers entered the stage, Leon up in the box controlling music and sound, Emil pulling the curtains.

 

Arthur was overjoyed the day he heard Leon wanted to join theater, as if he was following in his footsteps. Yao would be so proud of him, if only he were here. And yes, maybe Leon wasn’t onstage but he did say he would appear later on.

 

Arthur couldn’t be more proud.

 

Peter couldn’t be anymore jealous.

 

It was apparent to Arthur that Peter seemingly got jealous very easily, being a young naive boy. His jealousy ranged from his friends having different robot toys to the people Arthur spent time with. After last night and leaving Peter alone with their other brothers, Arthur felt it only necessary to spend a little time with his little brother.

 

“Say, do you want to get ice cream after this?” Arthur whispered to his younger brother.

 

Peter looked baffled, as if Arthur had just asked him if he wanted a new gaming console.  
“Are you serious?! I’d love to--”

 

“Shut up!” Arthur hissed and covered the boy’s mouth. “We’re at a play, now pay attention.”

 

“But _you_ were--”

 

Arthur held a finger to his lips and ruffled his brother’s hair. Peter sighed and angrily swatted Arthur’s hand away, trying his best to hide the small smile that played on his lips.

 

~~

 

Peter hummed happily, swinging between Leon and Arthur as they walked to _Braginski's Ice Cream Shop_.  
“Do you think I’ll be an Astronaut when I grow up?” Peter bounced and swung again from the older boy’s hands.  
“Maybe,” Leon smiled. “You’ll see, won’t you?”  
“That’s not--”  
Leon smirked. “Life doesn’t always give you the answers you seek, but questions that lead you to them.”

 

Arthur paused to contemplate what Leon had said. “That’s very wise of you Leon.”

 

“Thanks, I got it off a Tumblr post.”

 

Arthur rolled his eyes and laughed, not surprised in the least by what Leon had said. Leon loved to waste time away at his computer scrolling through various websites. Peter on the other hand just looked confused.

 

“What's Tum--”

 

“Anyway,” Arthur interjected, cutting Peter off once again hoping he would forget the whole thing. Tumblr was not a very nice place for the innocent minded. “The shop is just around the corner, what do you want?”

 

Leon looked at the sign and decided on Mango Blast Ice Cream.  
“It totally matches my shirt yo.” He smirked.

 

Peter bounced up and down, listing all his choices. “Can I have a Chocolate Oreo Sundae with cookies and cream, cookie dough, chocolate syrup and sprinkles?!”

 

Arthur frantically write this down. “Yes?...”

 

“Yes!!” Peter giggled and high fived Leon.

 

As the boys played behind him, Arthur ordered their ice creams, taking Vanilla for himself. He grabbed the ice creams from the counter, the tall Russian man behind it smiling and uttering a good morning.

 

Ivan knew Leon’s biological father well in the past, and it was rumored they were in a romantic relationship. Of course this meant discounts on Ice cream for Arthur every time he brought the boys. It was sweet really.

 

Arthur sat back at the table and began to ask the boys questions about their days and what they wanted to do on the weekend. It was decided by both boys that going to see a movie with a plus one was the most desirable thing to do. Peter would bring Wy, a friend of his, and Leon would bring Emil. They talked about it on the car ride home and made a solid plan to visit the theater at 6:00pm on Saturday. 

Leon sat down on that pristine white sofa that Arthur just adored, and began scrolling through media on his phone, not speaking a word to anyone else around him. Arthur sighed internally knowing that the bonding time was over between the three of them as Peter rushed to his room to catch the latest episode of _Power Rangers_ reboot 679302 (Or at least it felt like the 679302th reboot to Arthur who saw the original ones in 1995.)

 

Arthur decided to hermit himself back into the kitchen and start gathering things for a family dinner, that is if he can get everyone down to eat at the same time. Putting on a green apron, Arthur grabbed a cutting board and some carrots and potatoes to ready a homemade classic British stew that he got off of a _Betty Crocker_ box. 

 

Arthur had to admit he felt overworked, overwhelmed and stressed out as he sliced the carrots on the board. Having to see Alfred at work tomorrow just made things even more stressful when he thought about… _the incident_

 

He also had to get Peter’s school forms in order for when he would return back to school in England next week and memorize the next few lines of the show---

 

_Slice_

__

__“Oh for fucking Bloody Mary’s sake!” He hissed under his breath as he held his finger close to his chest. Arthur walked to the sink and rinsed the cut in cold clean water, feeling a slight sting before heading to the nearest restroom and grabbing the first aid kit out. Arthur cleaned the wound out with rubbing alcohol, which burned like hell in his opinion, and placed a small bandage on the cut._ _

__

__Looking into the mirror, Arthur brushed his bangs out of his face and looking for a moment longer at his eyebrows. Well sure they were bigger than most, but Arthur never cared much for his own looks, having them degraded in his past._ _

__

__He once wanted long silky hair in his younger days, but now Arthur realized work was far more important. Being ready for work at any given time was one of Arthur's best attributes. He prided himself on his work, sometimes being a tad of a workaholic, but always giving stellar results. Because of this, Arthur didn’t give a second glance at the mirror and walked back into the kitchen and seeing Leon still on his phone lying on the couch._ _

__

__Arthur washed off the knife and was about to begin cooking again when the door opened to the living room, letting a certain Alfred Jones walk into his life._ _

__

__“Sorry dude, I forgot--Oh the door was unlocked so I just...um, let me try this again.” Alfred coughed, seeing Leon on the couch and closing the door._ _

__

___Knock, Knock_ _ _

__

__Arthur stood there stunned as Leon finally looked up from his phone. “Is that the Pizza I ordered?”_ _

__

__Arthur rolled his eyes and walked to the door, throwing it open. “What the hell are _you_ doing here?!”_ _

__

__Alfred stepped backwards and put his hands in the air. “Woah woah woah dude! Put the damn knife down!”_ _

__

__Arthur’s eyes widened as he muttered a quick ‘Sorry I was cooking’ and placed the sharp tool in his apron pocket. “Now why are you here?”_ _

__

__Alfred blushed slightly at this and scratched the back of his head. “Well I kinda forgot my jacket last night...after...you know, the thing. I must have thrown it somewhere before we…”_ _

__

__Arthur’s eyes widened as he slowly opened the door, now blushing as well. “Oh.”_ _

__

__Alfred nodded and walked in, looking around. “Oh there’s a person here. Sup dude I’m Alfred!”_ _

__

__Leon looked up from his phone, finally looking at the guest. His eyes widened as he looked back down at his phone and up again._ _

__

__Alfred looked at the boy quizzically. “And you are Arthur’s…”_ _

__

__Arthur smacked Alfred on the arm. “He’s my son, roommate, brother, thing! Don’t be so abrasive!”_ _

__

__Alfred put his hands back up in the air and began to look around the room. “So about my jacket…”_ _

__

__“Right.” Arthur snapped and began to look around the room with Alfred._ _

__

__Leon was staring at both men wide eyed and snapped a picture of Alfred, the sound of the clicking camera filling the awkward silence of the room._ _

__

__“Leon don’t be so rude it’s just Alfred it’s not like--”_ _

__

__“Teach, I think you should take a look at the newspaper.”_ _

__

__Arthur raised a brow and went back outside briefly to pick up his copy and coming back into the room. With an audible gasp he thrust the paper onto the floor and covered his mouth._ _

__

__Alfred picked up the paper and read the headlines. “Shit.”_ _

__

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__

__Alfred muttered shit a few more times as his eyes scanned the page._ _

__

____**Famous Stars Alfred Jones and Arthur Kirkland a confirmed couple?**  
Does the relationship go outside the set?  
Ex- adopted brothers, is it incest?  
Is our OTP OliAllen/ ArFred officially canon? 

__

__Alfred’s eyes grew bigger as he looked over the page, not even wanting to look at the picture, and looking for a date and publisher, hoping, no praying it wasn’t what he thought it was. As he turned the page it seemed like his suspicions were correct. This was the same newspaper that was going to have Matthew on the front cover, the spotlight only to be stolen once again by none other than his brother._ _

__

__It was Alfred’s turn to drop the paper as he covered his head in terror, panic, and shock. Matthew was not going to be pleased. No, Matthew wasn’t even going to be pissed. Alfred imagined the sad, disappointing look on his brother’s face and the silence that would follow._ _

__

__The silence._ _

__

__Something Alfred hated, and something his brother practiced everyday. Alfred knew Matthew was going to loathe him, he was going to leave and not invite him to the hockey game, and dear God maybe even his wedding--_ _

__

__“Shit! Shit! Shit, no, no, no! This can’t happen, you don’t understand this _can’t_ happen!”_ _

__

__Arthur’s eyes hardened from their fear filled state back into their vindictive glare. “What, you can’t stand to be seen with me in public? I may have been surprised to find that in the _news_ but you don’t have to act like it’s such a shame to be seen with me! What, do you have a girlfriend or something--”_ _

__

__“No, no that isn't it Arthur,” Alfred huffed. “You wouldn’t understand.”_ _

__

__“Oi! I’m pretty sure I can understand more than you think I can!”_ _

__

__Alfred rolled his eyes and let out a breath of air. “Can we just find my jacket so I can leave?”_ _

__

__Arthur looked a bit hurt at that, seeing Alfred as a guest but nodded. Alfred picked up the damned newspaper and threw it away, wishing he could set it on fire and watch it burn down in flames like his relationship with Mattie._ _

__

__Arthur, probably seeing this as an attack on himself again, cleared his throat. “You can find your jacket on your own Alfred. You seemed to know your way around a few nights ago.”_ _

__

__Alfred’s eyes widened at that, feeling the true saltiness in all it’s glory. Leon, who Alfred forgot was there, covered his mouth in a muffled ‘Damn Old Man’s got as much fire as his food.’_ _

__

__Alfred didn’t understand that comment at first and decided to just look for his damn jacket instead of getting sidetracked again._ _

__

__Alfred went upstairs, opening Arthur’s bedroom door and peeking inside only to find it just as messy as when he left._ _

__

__He also found a pair of fire engine red heels that seemed almost too familiar--_ _

__

__Oh God. Alfred’s drunken blackout memory cleared a little, giving him a glimpse of an image he wished he would forget. But yet part of him didn’t. Part of him felt excited and--_ _

__

___Dear God we came here for the jacket remember!_ _ _

__

__Alfred finally found the damned thing on the floor next to some questionable magazines in the corner of the room and silently went down stairs to find Arthur sitting alone and eating a soup looking...thing._ _

__

__Alfred opened the front door as quietly as he could, pretending to be a ninja, hoping he wouldn’t disturb Arthur._ _

__

__“You know it’s very rude to leave someone's house without saying goodbye, even if you weren’t invited.”_ _

__

__“Well I didn’t want to intrude…” Alfred held a hand on the doorknob_ _

__

__“You already have.” He muttered and sipped his soup._ _

__

__“Where’s Asian teenager dude?” Alfred asked, looking around._ _

__

__“Leon ordered pizza and Peter is upstairs.” He sighed and twirled his spoon in his bowl._ _

__

__Alfred nodded and glanced back at the door. “Smells good Iggy.”_ _

__

__Arthur’s eyes lit up as he heard the compliment, his eyes sparkling. “Really?”_ _

__

__Nope. “Yeah.” Alfred lied._ _

__

__“The children usually run and hide when I put an apron on.” Arthur smiled and looked towards the stairs, awkwardly sitting there._ _

__

__Alfred opened the door and put one foot outside before he heard Arthur’s voice again._ _

__

__“Do you want some?”_ _

__

__“Huh?”_ _

__

__“Do you want to stay for dinner? You are a guest and all.”_ _

__

__Always the English gentleman. Alfred contemplated about staying, even though every fiber in his being, _every_ fiber told him to run. But looking back into Arthur’s pleading and lonely eyes…_ _

__

__“I mean you did travel all the way here, you must be hungry…so the food is warm…”_ _

__

__Nope. Leave and don’t look back. Go back out that damned door Alfred. Stop thinking about saying yes._ _

__

__But his pleading eyes made Alfred close the door._ _

__

__“Ya, Alright. I’ll totally stay for dinner Art.”_ _

__

__Arthur smiled and Alfred sat down, thinking about how he was going to eat every last bite despite how bad it might taste._ _

__

__And how he was going to keep it down just this once._ _

__

__Just this once._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it seems apparent to me that the Hetalia fandom just kinda...died. I'm here to tell you that I will not EVER abandon you guys, and that I will not ever leave a work unfinished. I can personally promise you that I will finish all my stories no matter what, and if I like die or something I have a friend who will finish them for me. That being said I know that some stories haven't been updated in a while...they will be! *cough* 50 Reasons Why *cough* I just want to focus on one thing at a time to give my best!
> 
> See you next chapter!


	12. The Lovesick Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer than usual, so heads up.

Chapter 12, The Lovesick Fool

“And scene!” Elizabeta called out, gesturing to Alfred and Arthur as they embraced on the stage. 

Alfred laughed and patted Arthur on the back. “That delivery was perfect bro!”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I suppose I was fantastic, yes.”

Elizabeta clapped her hands together. “Yes, yes you're both pretty. Now, what happened between you two? You seem like completely different people today!”

Arthur blushed as Alfred dabbed behind him. “Well we sorta--”

“Became like friends and shit!” Alfred hollered and bowed. 

When Alfred had stayed at Arthur’s house for dinner, the two had gotten a bottle of wine from the cabinet and drank the awkwardness away. Neither of them drank too much, both were completely sober when they talked things over. Alfred had smoothed a lot of problems with Arthur to the point that they no longer had this curled up tension every time they saw each other.

Well that wasn’t true. Both men still held somewhat of a grudge, but they came to the conclusion that the past was the past and that they could move on and become friends again. Alfred wouldn't necessarily call them best friends, but they were at least on the terms for playful banter. For Alfred, that was the closest thing he had to a best friend in years. 

Alfred watched as his friend, Arthur of course, walked across the stage to grab a drink of water. The dark blue cape that hung around him made his hair glow around his head and his pale skin stand out in a flattering matter. The costume designers sure as hell knew what they were doing. Alfred decided that his friend looked hot, in a totally friendly and not-gay kinda way. He was just nice to look at.

As Alfred continued to admire Arthur’s...pants, Elizabeta walked up behind him.

“So are you coming to the kickoff party this tonight?” She asked and looked at Arthur.

“Ya, I’ll go. So is it like formal or casual?”

“Well the pilot party will be formal, but the one tonight will be here at the set and it’ll be casual party clothes. We plan to bring in a DJ and party lights. It’ll be like a middle school dance, but with alcohol, and music that isn’t from Frozen.”

Alfred laughed and closed his eyes, imagining a sea of drunk actors acting like toddlers dancing to Disney music.

“It sounds like it’s going to be lit. Do I have to bring a date?”

Elizabeta smirked and glanced back to Arthur. “Well it’s not prom, but we are adults Alfred.”

“Ya, ya I know I just don’t want to show up with a friend and be shamed.” Alfred smiled and looked back to Arthur who was now walking towards them.

“Speaking of _friends_.” Elizabeta coughed slyly and looked at Arthur, her hands clapped together and a smile now present on her face.

Arthur brushed his bangs out of his eyes and smiled up at the two. “Did you hear that the chef Feli has a thing for Ludwig? They just got caught in the break room cuddling.” He snickered. “Amateurs.”

Elizabeta’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, and you're an expert now, huh Arthur?”

Alfred froze, not liking the look in Elizabeth's eyes. She looked like a lioness, ready to pounce, a hungry look on her face. Alfred knew where this was heading and hoped to God Elizabeta hadn’t read the newspaper this week.

Arthur, oblivious and cocky as usual stood up straight. “As a matter of fact, I am miss. You see I’ve had practice with the art of sneaking around since I was a mere boy. Especially with secret lovers. Everyone knows to look in the break room or closets. You have to be smarter than that, and lock the damn doors.”

Elizabeta smirked. “Oh, then where _would_ you hide Arthur if you were up to naughty things? The roof maybe?” She scrolled through some sort of media on her phone, typing and punching in a string of letters.

Alfred tensed and elbowed his boss. Damn it! And when they were stuck on the roof the door _was_ locked, oh God how that must have looked now that Alfred thought about it...She was using Arthur’s arrogant nature against him. 

Alfred had to stop this, glancing at the wide eyes of people around them, whispering and snickering. “So haha, guess what guys! My twitter account finally reached a million followers! How radical is that man! We should totally throw a party to honor what a great person I am!”

Both Elizabeta and Arthur ignored his comment and continued their conversation.

“Yes, I suppose the roof would be a good place, but only when it’s dark out, or maybe if the building is really tall. At any rate, being caught in the act is just foolish. Only a twat would get caught so publicly and humiliated so.”  
“Oh, really Arthur?” She simpered and showed them the screen of her phone. “I never thought you would call yourself a twat.”

On the screen was a different image than the one the newspaper had, but oh just as good. The picture was of Alfred holding Arthur close and leaving hickeys on his collarbone as the latter looked to be moaning in ecstasy.

Arthur ripped the phone from Elizabeta’s grip and began scrolling through, reading the comments and theories and such. His eyes widened in horror as he stumbled across more pictures of scandalous things.

“I thought no one read the newspapers but me!” Arthur whispered angrily and handed the device to his boss. “Why is this all over the Goddamn internet?!”

Elizabeta gave a triumphant smile as she tucked her pink phone back into her pocket. “I’m not sure why, or how, but you two have gathered quite a surprising amount of fans.” 

She turned to Alfred and ruffled his hair. “So, because of this, we have been _editing_ the script.”

Elizabeta gave them both a wolf like grin. Arthur glared and inched closer. “You listen here--”

Alfred pushed the two apart. “Stop. Elizabeta I’m telling you, don’t ruin a perfectly good story to cater a fan service. I’m sure our fans--

“Stop acknowledging it!” He barked and stomped his foot down, his face turning into a pout that melted Alfred’s insides.

Elizabeta held her hands up. “Fine, I’ll change it back if you absolutely feel it will hinder our success, but aren’t you two a couple now?”

Alfred coughed, feeling like he had been stabbed in the chest. Ice expanded all over as Arthur flailed his arms.

“No! No! It’s not like that! I mean we were at one point, but that was years ago, what happened a few nights ago was just a drunken mistake honestly! If I was sober I don’t think I would have even looked at Alfred. I can’t even stand to kiss him on set, why would I do it on my free time?!”

Alfred looked away as Arthur rambled on and on. His gut was twisting and turning all over, the ice flooding from his throat and traveling down his spine, pooling his his stomach and freezing his heart. 

“Hey, I think Imma head home, I feel kinda sick. Musta been that McDonald’s.” Alfred coughed and and took off his cape and crown.

“I told you not to eat that garbage Alfred. Ugh, I don’t know how you eat that slop without throwing it all up.” Arthur mumbled and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Alfred rolled his eyes as he let a bitter smile onto his face at the comment, shaking his head.

Elizabeta, with a knowing look in her eyes nodded. “You're still coming to the party tonight, right?”

Alfred nodded and started to walk to the makeup department. “See you later.”

Arthur waved, looking a little confused as Alfred walked away. “Bye?”

Elizabeta waved and whispered something to Arthur as Alfred entered the dressing room, the ice in his chest getting colder and heavier with each step.

Alfred had a _very_ good inkling on _exactly_ what this feeling was. And it terrified him.

But there was still time, if only Alfred could somehow...tell Arthur that things…

Alfred shook his head. Maybe he would do this later, it’s not as if Arthur was going anywhere anytime soon.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Arthur walked up to the limo waiting outside his house where Francis was sitting. Seeing his manager in the car, Arthur felt his blood boil.

“Ah, mon ami, how are you?” Francis laughed as Arthur took a seat next to him.

“How am I? _How am I_?” Arthur hollered and threw the closest object, which was a newspaper, at his old friend. “You bloody fucking bastard! You knew! You _knew_ Alfred was going to be on that damn show and you didn’t tell me you piece of utter shit--”

“Calm down! I was doing you a favor! You needed to get over that yank so I thought--” Francis covered his face and laughed.

“What do you mean ‘get over’?” Arthur huffed and slammed the door. 

“Well you spent years moping around, and I figured that if hearing his name still makes you want to cry, even after six years, then your not over it.”

“I am over it!”

“Well they say the best way to get over a man, is to get under a new one and you sure did that, too bad it was the same man though…” Francis held up the newspaper Arthur had thrown at him, proving his point.

“Shut up! It was a mistake. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t meddled with my sex life, dragging my career with it!” Arthur signaled the driver to go, pulling at the fray's of his white sweater he wore with his maroon jeans that hugged his legs. 

 

“I just wanted you to have closure! You should thank me! When Alfred dumped you--”

“Don’t be so abrasive!”

“Ugh whatever, that's what he did-- Anyway, after that _day_ you two never spoke again, Never called, never texted, nothing. I knew that if I didn’t push you two to talk, that this,” Francis gestured to Arthur. “Would go on forever, and after six years I could not bare to see you walk around like a man with a broken leg. So yes Arthur, if I did not ‘meddle’ as you say, you would still be a broken human, a ghost with unfinished business.”

Francis paused and looked down. “And I could not bare to see you live like that. A Queen with the loveliest of gowns, but with the most anguished of smiles.”

Arthur sat there, speechless as Francis teared up a bit. The Frenchman was always dramatic, but this seemed so sincere...Arthur almost hugged him. Almost.

“You know, maybe you're right.”

Francis looked up confused as Arthur looked out the window, staring at the bright street lights as the car drove past the many houses and restaurants. 

“Maybe it _is_ time to move on.”

Francis opened his mouth to reply, but for once, could not think of anything to say. This wasn’t what he expected from the small Brit. The boy who held everything so dear to his heart that he still had the same shoes from when he was a boy, as well as this one pair of sunglasses…

“We’re going to a party, are we not? I think it’s about time I got my shit together and met someone new. After all, I am Arthur Kirkland.”

Arthur smiled weakly at Francis who returned his smile and nodded as the limo came to a stop.

“Whatever you think is best for you mon cher, I’ll be here for you when you’re throwing up your own food. Just don’t drink tonight...the last time that happened…”  
Arthur nodded and opened the door, stepping on the newspaper on his way out.

 

~~~

 

The party was ravenous. There were adults everywhere, dancing, singing, eating and drinking. Laughter filled the air as the studio family celebrated the night. The show would air tomorrow, meaning Arthur would only have to attend one more party before never having to see these people again until next season. 

As Francis left Arthur’s side to chat with some friends, Arthur took it upon himself to look around...and maybe even mingle. That’s when he saw Alfred.

Alfred looked amazing, his hair sticking up in that one infernal spot as usual. He adorned a pair of red glasses instead of the usual black and wore a simple white t-shirt with an open button up plaid on top. Arthur watched Alfred talk and laugh, taking in the sweet sound and closing his eyes. 

He looked so happy and peaceful...maybe it really was time to let go.

Alfred looked up from the crowd and took a sip of something in a red solo cup. Arthur looked down and gave one last glance at the American, locking eyes with Alfred.

Arthur felt his pulse stop, felt the room stop, the noise seize as he stared back at Alfred, watching the corners of his mouth twitch up, opening his mouth, about to speak.

Arthur quickly moved away and left the room muttering three silent words that only the angles above could hear.

Whether these words were “I love you” or “Goodbye Prince Charming” it really didn’t matter anymore. Alfred was happy now without Arthur, and nothing that happened these past two or three days could change six years of misery, grudges and separation. 

So, single and ready to mingle, Arthur went out into the drunk sea of people.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alfred now stood at the doorsteps of his house a bouquet of flowers in hand. He had left the party shortly after seeing Arthur flirting with various people, realizing it was already _too late_.

As everything fell apart in Alfred’s life like a ball of yarn being unraveled, there was one single thing he could think of, one single thing he could do to make up for his trainwreck of life right now at this very moment.

Ringing his own doorbell, Alfred waited patiently and balanced on the balls of his feet. 

Matthew opened the door slowly, looking at Alfred and readying to say something.

Seeing Matthew there, knowing that Matthew was right there, Alfred bowed his head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, his vocal cords wobbling, feeling the knot form on his voice box, making it heavy and painful.

“What? Al what are--”

“I’m sorry!” Alfred dropped to his knees and threw the _Forget Me Nots_ down. “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, I never meant-- I never wanted…”

“Al…”

“Please, please forgive me Matt! I know I don’t deserve it and I know I’m selfish and cowardly and I’m sorry! I just-I just have nowhere else to go and--I feel all alone and--”

Matthew gave Alfred a concerned look as he opened the door wider and knelt down to look at his brother.

“Al, are you okay, I’ve never seen you so…”

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for always stealing your thunder and f-for saying no to the wedding and for never visiting you and getting you into jail that one time--”

Matthew rolled his eyes, tears forming on his face as well as he held his brother close, letting Alfred sniffle and cry onto his shoulder. 

“I know you hate me Matt, and God you have every right, but-but I’m sorry for hurting you and- and-”

“Oh Al, that’s what brothers do.” Matthew chuckled sadly and held the weeping American tighter. “I forgive you, I will _always_ forgive you. No matter what you do, we are brothers bound by blood and oath. Although I am still hella pissed at you, I love you Alfred. I could never hate the person I always looked up too, even now.”

Alfred could only weep harder at that. It almost felt like he hadn't felt love in such a long time, but yet it was all around him. Alfred held Matthew close to him and let his heartbreak ring through the night, letting it all out as he done before.

This time it was different. It felt warm and yet hurt twice as much.

“M-mattie?” Alfred whimpered and closed his eyes, letting a new batch of tears fall.

“Yeah?”

“I’m afraid Karma finally got me.”

“Alfred you're not making any sense.” Matthew tried to move and catch the boy’s eyes, but failed as the American’s grip was too strong.

Alfred shook his head into Matthew’s sleeves. “I-I… I fell in love with him again Matt... I already broke his heart once and now I...”

Matthew just sat there, trying to comfort his rambling brother, listening.

“I don’t think you fell in love with him again Al, I think you just never fell out of love, and now that he’s in your life again…”

Alfred sighed and wiped his tears. “I brought these flowers for you two, congrats on your engagement.” Alfred stood up. “I just came to say I’m sorry, not to make this about me. I know you and Gil are probably getting ready for bed, so goodnight Matt. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.”

Matthew stood up as well, grabbing the flowers. “Wait! Where are you going?”

Alfred shrugged and smiled sweetly at his brother. “I guess wherever the road takes me.”

Matthew shook his head. “Get your ass back over here, this is _your_ house anyway! Come on, Gilbert make sausages. No one should ever feel like they’re not welcome in their own home.”

Alfred nodded and smiled, running up the steps and hugging his brother once more. 

“I love you bro.”

Matthew rolled his eyes and laughed. “I love you too Al.”

Alfred let go of his twin and stuck out his tongue. “Last one to the dinner table get’s the smallest sausage!”

Matthew took of running with his brother. “Hey! That’s not fair you got a head start!”

Alfred laughed and ran through the halls, already feeling the tears he had made just minutes before begin to dry on his cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Arthur sat in his living room, laptop open as he grabbed his credit card. He had just bought two tickets for a flight to London, England, where he would be returning home in less than a week's time.

“Peter, are you done packing yet love?”

Peter hollered something from his room and Arthur sighed, taking a sip of the mint flavored tea he had poured earlier. Arthur had enough of America, and all the years he spent there. He couldn't wait to go back home. He truly did miss his home city, even if he never saw the sun again. It only reminded him of a pair of sunglasses that still lay on the dashboard of his car, and a sunny smile that still was just out of arm's reach.

But just because Arthur was leaving soon, didn't mean he couldn't meet a few new people before he left.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha! Five more chapters to go until this little story is over! Hahahahaha!


	13. To Chase A Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These dorks are so in love my god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that's it's been forever since I updated! Buuuut I'm back and I brought a new chapter so enjoy~

“This isn’t creepy, is it?” Alfred asked, tightening his bandanna around his head.

Matthew shook his head and looked at the battle map laid out before them. “Nah, it doesn’t count as stalking unless follow the person around town.” Matthew paused. “Well I think so anyway, and that’s gotta count for something.”

Alfred nodded and passed the tube of face paint to his twin. “Here, we can have matching war paint!”

Matthew took the bottle and squeezed the red paint onto his hand, smearing it on his face. “So I printed a map of the city out and taped it to the table.”

Alfred patted Matthew on the back. “Now to map out Arthur’s daily routine!...Matthew this feels just a bit too creepy.”

“Oh hush, do you want your husbando or not?”

“Never say that again.” Alfred deadpanned.

Matthew rolled his eyes and marked a spot on the map. “So this is where Arthur picks up his adopted son, Leon Wang, everyday at 3:55 precisely. Here is where he shops to cook dinner, usually around 6 in the mornings, and here is where he drinks tea every day exactly at 12. I think it’s a British thing.”

Alfred decided it was best that he didn’t ask how Matthew retained all this information. His brother had friends in hidden places. Sometimes it honestly scared the hell out of Alfred, but of course he would do anything for just a shot, a single shot at winning Arthur’s heart back.

Now it was simply a matter of placing Alfred at the right place, at the right time and with the right excuse. It all somehow reminded Alfred of how he used to play Sims as a kid, and how he got his character Tony to land a girlfriend.

Alfred missed those childhood days.

“Alfred! Are you listening to me?” Matthew snapped, breaking Alfred out of his string of thoughts.

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about um, aliens. Thanks for helping me with this bro. I know you're still mad and helping me rubs salt in the wound.” Alfred scratched his head. “With Arthur being part of the ‘Scandal’ and all.”

Matthew laughed good naturedly and hugged his brother. “Oh, Al. I haven’t had this much fun in years. Your like the crazy ex-boyfriend. I mean you did just move here, slept with Arthur and now your stalking him.”

Alfred blushed and threw a couch pillow at Matthew. “Shut up! You know it’s not like--Oh whatever just tell me what to do.”

Matthew smirked and held up Alfred’s cars keys. “You know, I’m a bit thirsty. You’ll just have to go buy some _tea_ for me, as I _am_ your guest.”

 

~~~~

So maybe this _was_ a bad idea, Alfred thought as he combed the shelves of the nearest Wallmart. Maple flavoured tea? Are you serious? Alfred didn't even know that there were other flavours than sweet and unsweet. 

Alfred was starting to seriously regret his decision, especially because Matthew actually wanted him to get tea. Maybe this was going just a tad too far…

“Alfred?” Arthur asked, his hands gripping the shopping cart. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, shopping?” Alfred answered the obvious question and gestured to his own cart.

“At 6 in the morning?”

“Yes at six in the morning! Why are you here?” Alfred acted surprised. Sometimes, Alfred thought, acting was always a bit too easy. 

“Shopping, duh.” Arthur smiled and crossed his arms, leaning against the cart. “Tea huh?I thought the famous Alfred F. Jones was strictly a coffee person.”

“Mattie likes mapple shit, so here I am, six in the morning, grabbing some tea. Not many people shop at Walmart at 6 in the morning, so I don’t really have to worry about the press.”

It wasn’t a lie, Alfred did love to either shop early in the morning or late at night, when he knew there wouldn't be as many people. It still irked him that Arthur did the same thing, they had such a similar thought process. 

Arthur nodded and pointed to a box on the shelf. “That’s a good maple tea, cheap too. Not that _you_ would need to worry about money.”

Alfred smiled and grabbed the box. “Thanks Art! Ha, so since the show is ready to be aired, that means we get a few weeks off right? I was wondering if maybe--” Alfred was cut off by Arthur’s phone, which rang through the empty shelves of the store.

“Hold on.” Arthur held a finger to his mouth as he answered the small device and began to visually get angrier and angrier with each word.

Alfred stood there awkwardly and looked at the tea box in his basket, deciding to grab a few more so Arthur wouldn't get suspicious. Arthur yelled something to the phone and shoved it into his pocket, muttering about frogs and cheese oddly enough, returning to meet Alfred’s awaiting gaze.

“So what were you going to ask me?’

Alfred smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “So, we’re friends now right? How would you like to go out on the town for lunch dude?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Arthur had no idea why he was doing this. He had no idea why he was letting the infernal American drag him around Los Angeles like he was a tourist, despite the fact that he had lived here a good chunk of his life, and he certainly had no idea why he was getting _flustered_ about it. When Alfred had offered to buy Arthur lunch, Arthur didn’t expect much of it. It was a friendly offer, and Arthur would never pass up free food. He had not, however, signed up for this; His arm nearly being pulled off his body as Alfred dragged him from place to place. 

“And that,” Alfred pointed to a nearby rock as he lugged Arthur along. “Is where I love to spend my days sitting and staring up at the sky. There’s a small diner not too far from here, hidden from most people. I usually order my food and eat it here.”

Arthur nodded as Alfred rambled on about the place they were going to eat, and looked off the hill and towards the ocean. It was a little breezy outside, but hot and humid breezy. It felt nice to the Brit, and seemed almost opposite to the wet and cold climate he was used to living in back home in London.

But I guess LA was his home now, huh?

Alfred smiled and tugged on Arthur's sleeves, pulling him along the small dirt road. Up the dry grass hill, there was a small wooden building that had a giant deck glittered with fairy lights. Arthur could smell burnt wood and roasting meat all the way from the dirt road. It was enough to make his mouth water.

 

“So this is _The Backyard_.” Alfred gestured the the small restaurant. “The folks that own the place grew up down south, they’re really nice people! This is one of the best joints around dude! The seating is completely outdoor.”

Arthur nodded as the walked the wooden steps of the deck. “I see that. This place looks wonderful.”

Alfred smiled brightly and smirked, looking off at the fairy lights strung around the wooden poles and stacks of hay. “You should see this place at night.”

~~

Arthur now sat with his friend on the deck of the so called ‘Backyard’ and took a sip of the sweet tea placed in front of him. They didn’t have hot tea, like Arthur would have preferred, but he supposed he could settle for this. It was a nice and simple life, that Arthur could see. The old ragtime music that played from the small speakers drifted in the air and floated around Arthur’s head. 

Alfred sat in front of him as Arthur sipped on his straw. Alfred was talking to the waitress ‘Rosa’, making small talk and asking her about her family as if he had been here a million times. Arthur noted that Alfred had a small sweet smile on his face, one gentler and softer than his usual laser beam of a grin. Arthur had to wonder if this was really Alfred’s true smile, one small, simple, but genuine smile all the way out here in the middle of nowhere California.

Suddenly Arthur felt those damned butterflies all over again as he heard Alfred let out a small chuckle. Not a boasting laugh, not a prideful snort, but but a deep, hollow chuckle as his face squinted up at whatever joke that was previously told.

“That was _Awful_ Rosa.” Alfred leaned back into his chair. “But yes I’ll take a freshly grilled burger please.”

Rosa looked at Alfred skeptically and wrote the order down on her pad, ooking back up at Arthur.  
“And you sweetcheeks?”  
Arthur blushed slightly, reminding himself the waitress wasn’t flirting with him, she was just a little on the friendly side. Besides Arthur was gay anyway, so he couldn’t figure out why his heart was beating so damn hard…  
“I’ll have the fish and chips platter please.” He stated and handed his menu to the woman standing over him. 

Rosa walked away from the pair and Alfred leaned across the table abruptly, almost knocking over Arthur’s glass of sweet tea.

“So whatcha think Artie?” He whispered giddily, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

Arthur rolled his eyes and pushed Alfred back in his chair, earning a pout from the American. “Oh hush you, you know she’s not my type.”

Alfred laughed and threw his head back, stretching his arms out. “Ya I know, I was just teasing ya dude.”

Arthur shook his head and took another sip of his water. “Besides I already have a date later tonight.”

Alfred blinked, his face blank for seconds, the color seemingly draining out of his face. Arthur thought he had just imagined the reaction, but as soon as the green eyed Brit blinked himself, Alfred’s shocked face was gone, as if it had never happened. Maybe Arthur _had_ imagined it, he did have quite the reputation for these kinds of things.

“That’s so cool dude, congrats on the new boyfriend, do I know him?”

Arthur sighed internally, feeling a bit disappointed. “No, and he’s not my boyfriend, he’s just a guy Francis set me up with on Tinder.”

Arthur knew he shouldn’t have said that, as if the whole thing was nothing important, and not secretly a reason for Arthur to get over the very man in front of him.

Well that, and to get laid of course.

Alfred smiled again, a sweet but bitter and sorrowful smile. “Well maybe one day he will be huh?”

“Ya.” Arthur nodded and felt his heart melt. 

Arthur crossed his legs and looked away, sipping the tea in front of him. It was almost as if Alfred still loved him, the way he was looking at Arthur now. Arthur knew that Alfred didn’t feel that way, and that he shouldn’t think that way or build his hopes up.

But when Arthur met Alfred’s gaze again, it was full of so much sorrow and _love_ , that Arthur felt his resolve crumble. Maybe he should just tell Alfred exactly how he was feeling.

Arthur was still in love with the American. He had to be! If Alfred’s stupid ass laugh could make Arthur melt, then by god he must still be in love.

What did Leon say? If you love something let it be, and if it comes back it was meant to be? Alfred was here before him, he was _here_ now and for the rest of time! 

And maybe he even still had something left in his heart for Arthur, he had too. They were basically on a date for Christ’s sake! This had to be a date! Alfred was right there and all Arthur had to do was reach out and grab him!

The way his eyes were sparkling right now, the way the natural sunlight hit his frame and made his skin glow, his hair nothing less than golden strands. Alfred and his perfect white teeth that matched his perfect pink lips that Arthur _remembered_ kissing in breathless silence everyday behind closed doors.

Alfred and his almost invisible sun freckles on the bridge if his nose and _Alfred_ with his love of life and care free attitude. 

_Alfred_

Arthur grabbed Alfred’s forearm from across the table and took a deep breath, regretting his decision more and more with each passing millisecond as Alfred tilted towards him.

“Alfred! I--”

Rosa returned with two plates full of food, smiling brightly. “Here ya go boys.”

Alfred accepted his plate eagerly and winked at the waitress. “Gracias.”

It was in that moment that Arthur felt time freeze. Of course. Of course. How had he been so blindly stupid? Of course Alfred had a thing for the waitress, that’s why he brought Arthur here, so he could see her without suspicion. That’s why he must have asked what Arthur thought about her. He just wanted his ‘buddy’ to approve of her before he made a move.

Arthur felt his throat began to gain weight, his stomach twisting and turning in so many knots, he was sure he was going to die.

Alfred turned to face Arthur, this time that fake ‘Hero’ smile playing on his lips. “So what were you saying Arthur?”

Arthur snapped his mouth shut and looked at the floor, not moving a muscle. “Oh me? Nothing. I just needed to wrap this up, that date of mine is in a few hours.”

Alfred shook his head and sipped on his beverage in silence as tension filled the air. The rest of the meal was eaten in an awkward fashion. The men made small talk, asking about each other's plan for the upcoming break and about each other’s brothers.

It wasn’t the same. The moment was gone and all that was left now was one check and two broken hearts.  
Arthur drove back to his own home shortly after, needing to get ready for the date. He chose one of his best white button up shirts and a grey vest for the occasion, staring blankly into the mirror. Something was missing, but Arthur couldn't figure what exactly it was. 

Arthur also wondered what kind of food he would order at the fancy new Italian restaurant they were going to. Maybe something simple like a salad or cheap like white pasta?

Arthur wasn’t really sure what the best answer was, him not being on a proper date in a while and all, but he supposed it didn’t really matter.

He wasn’t hungry anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp that's all for now folks! See ya soon!


	14. Constrained

Alfred never thought he would be standing here, in front of the large tan building before him, but yet here he was. Opening the cool glass doors, Alfred let loose and breath he had been holding in for centuries and walked into the small building.

Alfred was immediately hit with the smell of bandages and clorox as he strolled up to the sunny receptionist seated at the front desk.

“Hello, how can I help you Mr…?”

“Jones.” Alfred answered and picked at the skin around his nails. “Fredrick Jones.”

The receptionist nodded her head and looked through the stack of paper on her desk. “Fill this out for me please, Mr. Jones, and take a seat at the waiting area.”

Alfred smiled sadly and took the clipboard to his seat in the waiting room. He filled out the paper with ease answering things like his name, address and other regular questions. One question in particular caught Alfred’s eye specifically. 

_Why are you here?_

Alfred hesitated as the black pen hovered over the line next to question. If there was ever a time to back out, it was now. 

With a sigh, Alfred filled out the box and handed the clipboard back to the lady at the desk, taking in another deep breath and shrinking into his bomber jacket.

It was about time he came here. Alfred always ran away from his problems, going as far as changing his name to get rid of the past. He hated being called Freddie, it reminded him of when his mother would chase him around the house after her darling little _Frederick_.

What was he doing? Why did he wait this long? How many years did it take for Alfred to realize...How many people did he have to hurt, slander, step over and execute before he realized… 

That he missed his mommy. That he needed help. He was hurting himself and everyone else around him because he refused to get any.

 

His mother didn’t die in a car crash…

She left him.

Alone.

 

Cold.

Freezing alone in a blanket after five years of seeing her son grow up and deciding he wasn’t worth the effort to raise.

Leaving him alone… 

Forever.

“Mr. Jones!” The nurse snapped, having to repeat his name again, and leading him behind the tall glass doors.

The next moments were...bleak.

Silence.

People talked, the doctors, the nurses, but it was like the beige walls of the hospital smothered all the noises in the world…

All but the sound of her laugh, telling him she was just going shopping...she’d be back soon. Smiling and waving from the car window, the dark sunglasses covering her eyes.

If Alfred would’ve seen her eyes would he have known? Convinced her to stay? Sneak into the car?

Alfred looked up finally to meet a man with dark brown hair and stubble covering his jaw as if he hadn’t been home in centuries. His eyes were wise and old, amber and dead, like a barrel of ale that has been aging since the Roman Empire. 

They were also the eyes of a man who has lived a thousand years and spent each one of them committing terrible acts. A man who will spend the next thousand paying those debts. 

Someone Alfred knew very well on the inside…

“Hello Mr. Jones, how are you doing today?”

Alfred glared at the man. As if he had to ask, Alfred was sure he was going to break any minute and fall apart, and that should surely be evident by now.

“Mr. Jones? What brings you in here today?”

 

Alfred gawked, disgusted! Why must he tease him so, as if he couldn’t see how badly Alfred was….  
Oh wait…

Alfred still had those damn sunglasses on huh. What kind of douche wears those inside?

“So how does one start a therapy session, doc?” Alfred asked as he leaned against the green couch he was probably supposed to sit in.

“We have a checklist, I’ll ask you questions and you answer, then we can talk.”

The questions mostly involved Alfred’s mental state and why he came in here, deciding on whether he was at “High Risk” or not. 

But...he couldn’t see what the Doc was checking off...surely puking up most of his meals meant he was just...sick right?  
Not...that kind of sick...even if he did force himself to throw it up it was just because he was feeling bad...right?

And the series of relationships…

Why’d he ask about that?! What would that have to do with anything?

Finally the stupid checklist was over with and the doctor cleared his throat, putting down his clipboard and motioning for Alfred to sit on the sofa.

Of course, being the amazing person he is, Alfred sat on the arm of the chair.

The Doctor on the other hand didn’t seem very amused. “Gah! Dida your momma raise you in a barn? Have you no manners for other people's stuff?”

Nope. Not even their hearts… and ya his mom did raise him in a barn once, at his grandparents house…

That’s when the pretty blush color of Alfred’s cheeks faded and flushed down to his feet, draining his mask away.

“Oh, mio ragazzi, tell me, what happened between you and your momma?”

Alfred smiled, that sweet, bitter smile she flashed everyone, signaling he was okay and as bright as ever, but as his cheeks stretched to his eyes he felt them squint.

But this time that smile and wink couldn’t hold the years of pain, the thoughts, the memories…

And with the one wink, the .5 seconds and seven it took him to close his eye, all the years of pain came out, spilling out onto his cheek.

And he was blinking away the tears.

Then he was wiping the corners…

Then his cheeks…

And they became thicker and thicker until the smile faltered and cracked, shaking and crumbling beneath him.

His posture went next, breaking from that of an arrogant lion to the little boy waving his mother goodbye for the last time.

“If...she couldn't love me, why would me or anyone else?” He whispered, slamming his eyes shut, afraid of the world and letting the tears drown him.

“Alfred?”

“No! She left me alone she must have hated me! Knowing that was the last time she would see me! She left me nothing but a goodbye and a promise she could never keep and ran away!”

Alfred fell onto the couch and hugged his knees, Afraid to look at anything but his pants.

“If she loved me she would have stayed. But she didn’t because I’m an unruly brat who doesn’t deserve anything! No one can love me if my own mother couldn’t. Not my friends, not my job, not my money or fans or cousins--”

“Alfred calm down--”

“Not even myself! Or Matthew… And Arthur...he…”

Alfred drew in a long sigh.

“He’d never be able to love me. Never has and never will. I’m such a fuck up, too afraid people will up and leave me behind so I strike first and harder and stay on top.”

The Doctor looked concerned now as he scribbled something down.

“Do you know where your mother is now?”

Alfred smiled, that lovely painted thing.  
“Of course.”

“Have you tried talking to her?”

“I don’t think she’d respond, Doc.”

“Why, maybe you need closure, ask her why she left you--”

“Can’t. She didn’t want me to know.”

“It would be good to ask--”

“I wish I could Doc, but I can’t!” Alfred cried out into his jeans. “She isn’t alive anymore…”

“Alfred?”

“She killed herself when I was five and left me alone without a word or a second thought. I didn’t even find out until a month later after I was sent to foster care where I saw it on the news. Bridge suicide. Parked her car, hopped out, took off her shoes and jumped.”

Alfred finally looked up and refused to speak after that. Doctor Vargas insisted Alfred tell him more, and Alfred wished he had the vocal cords to speak.

As loud as he was, Alfred didn’t have any voice.

So he waited until the timer went off, marking the end of the hour session and left without a single word, but promised himself he’d be back next week.


End file.
